Tag Archive: surrender

Ground Zero

The connection between me and addiction was reaffirmed yesterday when a class assignment brought me into the rooms of an AA meeting. Though I already attend OA meetings regularly, attending this meeting as a clinical assignment, forced me to look at things from a different perspective. By listening to unfamiliar people, with a different addiction, struggling with the exact same manifestations of self will run riot, I was reminded, again, that I have a cunning and baffling disease, and that no matter how much progress I make, I will always need a Savior. I’m watching a stupid television show, and one of the characters who is addressing a woman in rehab, said the following:

“Your kid… She’s your ground zero.”

I thought of my daughter and the rest of my Step 8 list, and was overwhelmed with grief and remorse. I have lived the best amends I know how, and I still do not think I will ever make up for the damage I have done. The uncontrollable nature of the way I have lived my life has been as destructive as a terrorist’s bomb, and my children are my ground zero.

The harm I have done is reason enough to step outside my pursuit of self satisfaction. How can I seek to please myself, when I, myself, have done so much damage?
God, every broken, incomplete, inadequate thing I am is yours. Please put me back together and make me useful to You!


Not of This World!

second coming Jesus“So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. (Joshua 24:14, NLT)

Most of us were raised by worshipers of the idol of Self – selfish fear, insecurity, or anxiety; selfish ambition, pride, condescension; selfish indulgence, greed, compulsive hoarding, eating, or addiction. We need to destroy these idols with no less determined zeal than Israel destroyed all their statues, taboos, and Ashera poles so we can live according to a singular purpose. It is our duplicity that so vexes us that we seek medication in the satisfaction of Self.

“And there will be strange signs in the sun, moon, and stars. And here on earth the nations will be in turmoil, perplexed by the roaring seas and strange tides. 26 People will be terrified at what they see coming upon the earth, for the powers in the heavens will be shaken. 27 Then everyone will see the Son of Man[e] coming on a cloud with power and great glory.[f] 28 So when all these things begin to happen, stand and look up, for your salvation is near!” (Luke 21:25-28, NLT)

In order to see without fear the things coming in the sky that will terrify all the friends of Earth, we have to be so opined to a preference for deliverance that we hesitate not one moment. Rather than looking back as Lot’s wife did (Genesis 19, Luke 17:32), we must seek Heaven so fervently that we are not even momentarily afraid, but stand and look up, for our salvation is near!

Self SatisfactionHoly Father, today, I look to You rather than cast my eyes on the habitat You have provided me. I turn my motives to Your Kingdom and will, and cast off the sin that so easily entangles me. Graduate me from the mire to which I have become so accustomed that I scarcely find it objectionable. Grant me an awareness of my sin and wash it off me. Let me not be so bound to the ways and whims of Earth’s people that I join them in their disobedience, but never let me forget to love them with the self-sacrificing passion You did and do. In Christ’s name, amen!

“The heavens are yours, and the earth is yours; everything in the world is yours—you created it all.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭89‬:‭11‬ NLT)
My addiction likes to pose questions like, “What if there isn’t enough?” The reality is that, no matter what happens, God will still be owner and operator of the universe. As long as that is true, I am content, with no real reasons to be otherwise. The imaginary reasons are the stuff of my sinful, selfish disease.

“People who despise advice are asking for trouble; those who respect a command will succeed.”
‭‭(Proverbs‬ ‭13:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬)
I have always resisted the advice of others. Like a foolish youth, I demanded I was different than those who failed before me, and insisted that I might succeed where others had not. I am happy to be growing up into a wiser way of avoiding pitfalls into which I can see others have fallen.

Holy Father, today, I return to You for the grace to accept with gladness Your will and provision for me. Help me walk according to Your guidance, and to seek it in the clues you leave in the lives around me. Forgive my worries and wash me of them, granting me contentment as I exercise my trust in You. In You alone I place my trust!

Take my colt!

 If anyone asks, ‘Why are you untying that colt?’ just say, ‘The Lord needs it.’” (‭Luke‬ ‭19‬:‭31‬ NLT)

I want to be like the farmer who owned the donkey. Ready for the Lord to take what He needs from me without further explanation.

Holy Father, today, I reaffirm that all I am and have is Yours. Forgive and remove my selfish grip on my surroundings.

Misconception of God #4,897

creative thought bubbleI once thought I had a better understanding of God than all the rest of the humans. Today I know I am as blind as the rest of the race, perceiving only a small portion of that which the Divine has determined to reveal of Himself. One misconception that I am learning is fairly common, and for which I had long blamed the Creator, was the idea that He is all finished creating. I took Bible references to the Sabbath to mean that all was complete, and Christ’s quote on the cross, “It is finished!” to mean that God’s involvement in building what is to be built was pretty much concluded.

What I didn’t understand was that the One who is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, has presented me with the option of deciding what my middle will be, and to what master I will present it. Will I spend my middle serving my cares, concerns, and cravings, or will I make God the god of my whole life: beginning, middle, and end? If I can serve but one master, and the cravings of the greedy rob a person of life, than the choice seems simple. Serving God actually benefits me. But if I choose to serve God for my own benefit, aren’t I really just serving myself in a back-handed way? It turns out that God invites the burdened, the hungry, the brokenhearted, the spiritually impoverished, and all those who recognize their unmet need for Him to return to the Manufacturer for counsel, companionship, and conformity to their original design and purpose. No matter how far removed we become from the pattern in which all things work like they were supposed to, we are under warranty, welcome to come back for an overhaul.

“…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NIV)

Dear Father, today, I give you my middle. Be the Master of my whole alphabet, from beginning to end. Make every part of me work according to Your will and design, and take pleasure in employing me to Your purpose. Thank You for continuing to construct me into something new. I am happy to be a tool in Your service, for a tool in the hand of his Master is of value while a tool standing in front of a mirror is just shelved scrap.

Scripture References:

Genesis 2:2
John 19:30
Revelation 1:8, 21:6, 22:13
Matthew 6:24, Luke 16:13
Proverbs 1:19
Isaiah 55:1, Matthew 5:3-12