Tag Archive: plan of eating


Amendment to my POE

Weight is not valueDear Sponsor,

I got on the scale yesterday and discovered an undesirable weight change has crept upon me. Since I haven’t weighed in several months, I am not greatly disturbed by this discovery, but I am prompted to make some changes in my daily Plan of Eating (POE). My daily calorie intake goal had been 2150, due to my continued weight loss at the standard 2000. Since that no longer seems to be the case, I am dropping to the standard 2000 until things level off.

In practice, I plan to eliminate:

  • the half serving of raw almonds from my typical lunch (75 Kcal.)
  • one half serving of almond butter from typical dinner (100 Kcal.)
  • though the above represents 175 calories, I am committed to reducing the daily target by 150 calories, whether the “typical” meals are on the menu for any given day or not.

I haven’t written much lately, but great changes are taking place regarding my personal development. I was recently reawakened to the existence of my character defect of wrath as expressed by outbursts of rage, harsh criticism, and verbal condemnation. While addressing this defect in prayer, I was convicted that is is correlated to my habit of judgement, for which I am responsible. When I look at these and the way they correspond to my progress regarding food and weight, I am reminded that I cannot control my weight, but I am responsible for my food choices. When I make healthy food choices according to properly administered limits, there is a corresponding body weight change. I cannot merely pray that God remove my excess weight while eating whatever I want whenever I crave it, and neither can I stew in my hateful judgement and expect God to remove my character defect of wrath. I have some habits to change. So, I am addressing each instance of judgment much like I would a craving for food, cigarettes, booze, or any other toxin. I recognize it as judgement, turn from it, turn to God in prayer, and relinquish the craving to His care and control, offering the outcome to Him. So far, it works when I work it.

Another development in my life is the halfway mark in Nursing School. I would never have imagined it would be this difficult. I don’t know how much of my problem is that I am an adult learner returning to school in middle-age, or just that I have become an unteachable know-it-all who refuses to learn the new language of Nursing Academia. I can’t control the first option, but I have full control over the second, so I repeatedly pray that God will make me teachable, that I will study the right materials with focus, retain what I need, and be able to recall with clarity the answers I am called upon to know. I have been counseled by professors that I “overthink” exam questions, but I don’t really understand how overthinking can be a bad thing. I guess what they mean is I over-create details that aren’t written, or imagine what-if scenarios that aren’t articulated in the perfect vacuum of an exam. In my previous career, second and third guessing was routine, any possible outcome or precipitating cause had to be explored, and life balanced on my ability to anticipate the unimaginable. Now, in the world of the Nursing Student, my hyper-vigilance is considered an attention deficit, one I have to rein in or else. As a matter of fact, this very blog post represents a digression from my studies.

Because of that, I can’t really go into detail about the other personal development, but it’s huge. It involves the recognition of abuse in my life, forgiveness offered, and amends being lived out. I really must tell you about it soon.

 

(prayer) Holy Father, make me teachable. Relieve me from the bondage of self, especially as it relates to wrath, and help me cease this habit of judgment since it only serves to alienate me from Your children You put me on this Earth to serve in love. Thank You for progress. Thank You for grace. Help me live so saturated in it that, when I open my mouth or hands to share, Your grace is all that flows out. May Your will be done in every aspect of my life as it is in Heaven.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)

“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” (Psalm 86:11)

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Restaurant Suprise

Dear sponsor,

I had a mishap that came from my failure to plan. I took my mother to her favorite restaurant for her birthday. I have been there before and I know what I get so I planned to eat my typical meal from there, but the menu had changed and my planned item was no longer offered. I started to panic, but then decided to calmly order a sensible meal and stop at that. I would tabulate the calories afterward, and all would be fine. I did as I planned without interrupting dinner or making a scene. The problem came afterward when I entered the supper into my tracker and discovered I was 96 calories over my daily limit, and this even without my normally planned fourth meal, which I skipped to compensate. I needed to report this deviation from my plan of eating, however accidental it may have been, because I cannot allow myself to start excusing this kind of error. Planned meals are the structure that holds up my abstinence, and this made it feel dangerously wobbly.

From now on, planned meals, with a backup plan!

Off plan on purpose

Dear Sponsor,

I am deviating from my plan of eating because I am sick with some sort of stomach bug. I am not at risk of overeating, but I thought you should know that I am eating less than normal. I’ve actually been afraid to eat after spending the night camping on the bathroom floor last night. I have a low-grade fever, but I am much better than I was last night.

It’s been uncomfortable to say the least.

-tl

Weight Creep

Dear Sponsor,

I am concerned about a little weight that has been gradually creeping back on. After two months of watching it climb, I have guessed it is likely related to the change in activity level since I retired. Since I am no longer spending twelve hours a day outdoors and moving around, and am spending more time cooped up at a desk studying, I suppose I need to make an adjustment. Therefore, I have reduced my calorie target by one hundred calories per day. I plan to remove the 100-calorie red potato from breakfast you suggested as brakes to stop the weight loss. I think it is time to take the brakes off as long as I’m no longer as mobile. If you remember I had to make a 100 calorie adjustment when I moved from the office to the outdoor assignment; now I’m just adjusting it back. I am surprised it took me this long to recognize the cause.

Respectfully,

TL

 

Reintroduction

After spending some time introducing myself to a new acquaintance yesterday I realized it had been some time since I had written in my online recovery journal, and it could use some reintroduction. So allow me to reintroduce myself.

silhouette progressMy name is TL, and I am recovering from compulsive overeating. I have been freed from a body weight of 320 pounds and now maintain a healthy 185. I lost 150 pounds in fourteen months initially, and was told by my doctor I had lost too much and needed to put on a little weight. I had been hypertensive; now I am free of my blood pressure medicine and have bouts of low blood pressure, which I’ve been told is normal while my body adjusts. I struggled with severe gastro-esophageal reflux disease; but now my eating habits and God’s providence have kept that in check. I had nearly constant joint pain; now I have begun a running exercise regimen – something I never thought I would do, let alone enjoy. My family had pretty much disowned me, and my brother had actually forbade me from seeing his children; now I am the one the family comes to for encouragement, advice, and support. Even my grown kids, who had fled the house to get away from me have either moved back in and enjoy relationship with me, or seek me out at every available opportunity. My wife has even enjoyed some of the benefits of recovery, though it is hardest at home. She has gone from daily considering why she ever vowed to spend her life with me to a grateful and (mostly) happy co-union of marriage.

I met my first sponsor my first week of abstinence, when I knew nothing more about abstinence than, “We practice abstinence by refraining from eating between meals and from all individual binge foods.” That’s how simple it was for me in the beginning and how simple it can be for you too. Abstinence is key. Our plans of eating and action just keep us as far away from those forbidden fruits as possible given our willingness. One piece of advice that I got when I first started is to record everything I eat. I do that and publish it online to stay accountable: here with LiveStrong’s MyPlate application. There are several others that work just as well.

“The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 66)

I like to imagine the things on my abstinence list (cakes, candies, cookies, sweets, ice cream, nachos, eating directly from the container, eating between meals) as a molten lava pit. Abstinence is simply a list of what and how we will not eat.  As I form my plan of eating, I march a wide path around the mouth of that volcano. If I say, as some have unsuccessfully tried, that my PoE will be merely to stay abstinent, then I have blazed a path on the fragile lip of the narrow edge of the mouth of that volcano. One slip and it’s game over – a tumble into relapse which, for me, is death. Because I do not wish to die, I develop a plan of eating that keeps my path far from the mouth of that volcano. If I am not allowed cake, then I do not go around thinking, “As long as it’s not cake, it’s okay.” I research healthy eating and plan my choices based on that research. If nutritionists, cardiologists, dieticians, and cancer researchers all agree that salmon, sweet potatoes, raw almonds, Romaine lettuce, blueberries, bananas, unprocessed whole grains, and other superfoods are the best fuel for a human body, then I take that as a notice from my Higher Power that is what I’m supposed to eat. Then I add the proper portions according to my calorie goals, spread them out over the proper time table, and I have a plan of eating. A plan of eating is not just a food plan. A food plan is a grocery list that says what we will eat. A plan of eating has amounts and times; it tells how much and when we will eat. The great news is that when I plan to eat according to this super-healthy plan and slip a little, say because I am out of broccoli and have to substitute green beans, I don’t fall directly into the molten lava of Candyland, forced to give up my service positions, start over with a white chip of surrender and do it all over again. I just pray to my Provider, “Lord, You have given me all I have, and I am grateful for this fuel You have provided. Please make it enough to last until Our next meal together. Thank You for abstinence, renewal, and abundant life!”

It takes a little work to make this happen. I have to spend some time chopping vegetables and boiling beans. I pre-package things so I can eat them on the run. I always carry a spare meal of canned goods with me in case I get stuck away from healthy options, and I replenish that meal quickly once I eat it, so that I am not without an option for the next day. I also carry a partial bag of raw almonds and a measuring cup that serve as a substitute or augment a meal that doesn’t meet standards when eating out. I have to plan my meals, and that takes work. This action is something I consider investment in my health. This action plan works with my plan of eating as tools to build for me the abstinence I choose. I can’t build a structure without tools, but the tools aren’t the structure.

For more about my plan, check this out.

I celebrate progress. No one can lose a hundred pounds. No one has the power to say to even one pound, “Get off me!” We can, however, put down a fork. We can choose to wait until mealtime to eat, and we can eat that meal God would have us eat rather than what we feel like eating. If we continue to do that, “we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”* That’s the power of “keep coming back.”

I hope you find the joy of recovery as you seek to gain your freedom from food obsession.

God bless!

 

* Reference to Galatians 6:9