Sunday, 2013-07-07

Abstinent Today:

I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

Today I spent attending church meetings and trying to catch up on homework.  I did not complete my normal devotional.

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Humility is at the heart of Step Seven… We ask Him to remove OUR shortcomings, not those of the people who have harmed us.” — A Guide to the Twelve Steps for You and Your Sponsor, p. 11

Wouldn’t it be nice if the leader of that institution you resent were given a saving knowledge of grace and a double portion of God’s divine Wisdom, just like you want for yourself?  Then maybe he wouldn’t allow such-and-such to continue, and you might feel vindicated.  Ever wonder why that never seems to work?  “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…” (James 4:3)  We who have directed hate and discontent at everyone including ourselves in the form of anger, manipulation, and food-abuse are expert at seeking change in others.  We aim to inflict our will on them as though it were a weapon to exact our judgment on all except ourselves.  Our new target is self and our new vantage point is humility.  The goal now is not to destroy, but to discern the negative from the positive and to rid ourselves of the former, taking in a healthy portion of the latter.  This new perspective, attitude, discernment, motive, and purpose all come from our Higher Power when we lay down our weapons of hate and humbly ask for His help.

 

I’m beat!  Good night.

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

Find Them, Love Them, Save Them

Abstinent Today:

I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I had one of those vivid dreams last night, the kind that I remember was very important but the details of which have vanished.  These three phrases remained as the fog lifted:  “Find them.  Love them.  Save them.”  There were two sub-points, one to each of the first: In order to find them I must search them out; and in order to love them I must serve them.  Saving them was almost a back-burner result more than the primary mission, as if it is pointless to attempt the third if I haven’t done the first two.  I was convicted and encouraged at the same time.   In Sunday School class this morning, the point was made that, no matter how proficient a gardener one becomes, they are powerless to make anything grow.  That is still up to God.  What we can do is cultivate soil, plant seed, weed the garden, fend off birds, irrigate if necessary, and patiently wait on God for the results.  I think the points of the dream go hand in hand with this thought.  Who am I to save someone’s soul?  I can’t even save myself!  But I can find the dead and dying souls and love them, ministering to them as a brother and co-heir of Heaven, and as I treat them so, with the intervention of God, they may become!

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Indecision is like the stepchild; if he doesn’t wash his hands, he is called ‘dirty,’ if he does, he is wasting the water.” — Madagascan proverb as quoted in For Today, p. 247

In my condescending, critical days, I was the stepfather in this proverb, passing judgment on everyone who went against my way.  The problem was my way was unpredictable, changing like the wind, first this way then that.  Unlike the Madagascan version of the villain, I did not give preferential favor to my natural children.  They were, instead, the secondary victims of my wrath, only narrowly preceded by my wife.  The only thing worse than being addicted to self-will is to have no defined will at all and yet still hungrily clamber for it as though it were air, water, or some life-sustaining element.

Dear Father, today, rescue me from the bondage of self that I may better do Your will.  Keep me from inflicting my will on others.

 

 

From Proverbs 19, NIV:

17 Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord,

and he will reward them for what they have done.

I was reading World Vision Magazine the last couple days, and this morning I read an excerpt from Richard Stearns’ new book Unfinished that I feel bears sharing:

From “Unfinished Business” World Vision Magazine, April 2013

“The meaning, purpose, and significance of our lives are found only by aligning our lives with God’s purposes, in lives committed to following Jesus Christ.”

“Our Christian faith is not just a way to find forgiveness for sin in order to enter eternal life, yet it is that. It is not just a system of right beliefs about ultimate truth and the order of things, though it is that. Nor is it just a way to find God’s comfort in times of trouble or a helpful code of conduct for how to live a good and productive life, though it is those things too. Fundamentally, the Christian faith is a call to leave everything else behind, to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and to join in the great mission of Christ in our world. It is a call to forsake all else and follow him. Only then will we become completed people—people living according to God’s deepest purpose for our lives.”

The rewards of working toward God’s purposes far outweigh any sacrifices I might make.  I need to be about my Father’s business with more than just my spare time and my leftover resources!

 

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in 1 Corinthians 13, NIV:

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

And here is the middle part of my dream!  The only benefit to doing the good deeds for the sake of the good deeds themselves is only in the pride of the moment.  If the angry and hateful heart lies behind the outstretched arms, all that remains is empty hands.  Finding the lost and hurting does no good if I don’t love them once I get there, and loving them from my couch does the hungry and helpless precious little good either.  So going must be part of the action, serving them in love is apex point of the mission, and saving souls will result when those who have been loved decide the source of that love is worth finding for themselves.

Papa God, help me to find them, love them, and save them!

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 82:

The alcoholic‡ is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept he home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

‡ From “Our Invitation to You” out of Overeater’s Anonymous:  “The OA recovery program is patterned after that of Alcoholics Anonymous. We use AA’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, changing only the words ‘alcohol’ and ‘alcoholic’ to ‘food’ and ‘compulsive overeater.’”

 

I’ll Take the High Road

Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time.

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Since I stopped fighting my Higher Power’s will, one day at a time, I’ve not relapsed. My life has become more than ‘manageable.’ It has become more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined.”

It makes logical sense that resisting God is an exercise in futility.  I don’t understand why I ever tried. I know it has something to do with the connection between my “but” and my “I.”  I knew I was loved, “but I” didn’t feel it.  I knew I should get off the couch, “but I” didn’t want to.  I knew the foods I should eat, “but I” wanted cookies.  I knew the good I ought to do “but I” didn’t do it.  Every time I put my “I” on my “but” I failed to do what I knew was good for me.  James 4:17 declares that sin, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”  No wonder so much of my life was a mess!  Even my unanswered prayers resulted in my disappointment, as if while doing my will I should also always get my way, and if God didn’t think so too, well then He was just not on my “friends” list that week.  How ridiculously childish and petty!  I observe, in retrospect, those prayers went unanswered because my motives and attitudes were selfish.  (Reference James 4:3.)

Removing my will is a continual process, but with it extinguished, life has taken on abundance I would not dare to have dreamed for myself.  With my eye on God and His will for me, I have a new vitality, and it comes with a confidence to meet any new challenge, one at a time.  “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)

From Proverbs 4:

“²⁵ Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.”

Focus!  Do not be distracted!  Pay attention!  These are the pleas of the king to his son, and of the King of kings to me.  I am reminded of Peter who, even with faith that moved him to step out of a boat onto the surface of the sea, began to sink in his doubt, only when his focus moved off Jesus onto the wind and waves.  I will tune my mind and senses to the Spirit, and do my best to follow accordingly.  I find that pleasing the Lord pleases me.  It is a far more peaceful and enjoyable life than living in a continual tantrum.

Romans 8:5, “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.”  (Parallel reference: Colossians 3:1-17)

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Isaiah 34 and 35:

“⁴ All the stars of the heavens will be dissolved
and the sky rolled up like a scroll;
all the starry host will fall
like withered leaves from the vine,
like shriveled figs from the fig tree.”

There is a time coming that should make all mankind reach for the Hand that will cut the silver cord.  Clearly, not all of Scripture has been satisfied, but this apocalyptic prophecy remains.  The wrath spelled out in Isaiah 34 is hideously graphic, and a little mysterious with its reference to the scavenger animals, but one thing is certain: I want to have personal relationship with the Power that will deliver the final blow before it comes.  I will trust that Power and His providence with whatever He decides is right for me!

“^18b For it is his mouth that has given the order,
and his Spirit will gather them together.
¹⁷ He allots their portions;
his hand distributes them by measure.”

Chapter 35 contrasts the joy of the redeemed against the dark dread of the nations, and reminds the waiting that the time of wrath is not for the oppressed but the oppressor.

“⁴ say to those with fearful hearts,
‘Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.’”

I love verse 8, with its reference to “the Way,” a term later used to describe the discipleship of Christ.  (Reference Acts 9:2; Acts 19:23; Acts 22:4; Acts 24:14; Acts 24:22)  It goes amazingly well with the chapter of Proverbs read today, where there were several similar references to keeping true to the path or way of instruction.

“⁸ And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.^[a]”

Big Daddy Weave celebrates the intervention of the Hand that saves in a song called, “Redeemed.” My mind recalled the words of this song as I focused on these texts.

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, Foreword to Second Edition:

“…it is our great hope that all those who have as yet found no answer may begin to find one in the pages of this book and will presently join us on the high road to a new freedom.”

Implementation of the Sanctified or a Disposable Tool?

Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time.

Yesterday’s post contained a couple errors.  I accidentally credited a quote from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous.  That mistake has been fixed on the blog, but the email notifications are out of my reach.  The other was that I read and quoted the Voices of Recovery entry for today instead of yesterday.  So, today I will read the one I missed.

Isn’t it great to be flawed and okay with it?  Perfectionism is for frustrated people!

 

 

From yesterday’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“There will be times when we’re faced with an important decision and want to know our Higher Power’s will. Our sponsor or OA friend might suggest that we pray about it, asking God to increase our desire to take the action if we are supposed to take it, or decrease our desire if we’re not supposed to take it.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 97

 

The short version of this prayer is, “Your will, not mine, be done.”  It is exciting to have my will conformed to that of my Higher Power.  Gradually, as trust builds on submission which turns around and facilitates more willingness, the wheels of progress begin to climb.  This upward progress is as rewarding as the downward spiral of fear and remorse was debilitating.  It’s nice to be going the right direction!

 

This was first visible regarding food.  Accepting that health and vitality is the Designer’s will for me, I became willing to eat what my understanding revealed was best for me, as though the Creator had prescribed it.  Acting as if God had given me a “For Best Results, Eat the Following” list, I began to eat what I learned should be on that menu rather than what my momentary cravings attempted to dictate.  Gradually, I began to enjoy the foods on the prescription for health.  Along the way, I began to do the same with other behaviors and found them just as palatable.  The end results of physical fitness and vitality were added benefits that continue to serve as affirmation that these steps actually are according to the One who made me and Who keeps re-making me on a daily basis.

 

 

From Proverbs 21:

“²⁵ The sluggard’s craving will be the death of him,
because his hands refuse to work.
²⁶ All day long he craves for more,
but the righteous give without sparing.”

 

The first few verses of this chapter remind me that the heart of man is in the hand of God. He directs it to serve His purposes, and weighs it to test its motives.  He prefers righteousness to sacrifice.  The false motives of selfish cravings are the death of any who serve them.  My diseased thinking says, “I want, I need, I deserve, I feel!”  Properly aligned spiritual condition (righteousness) contrasts itself by considering with gratitude the provision for today and seeks to share it “without sparing.”

 

God, make me a sharer and not a hoarder.  Change my will regarding the resource with which You have blessed me.  Direct my heart to give freely, trusting You to replenish me by Your Heavenly providence.  You are enough, Lord, and You have demonstrated that, even faulty, I am enough in You.  Calm me to rest in Your care, and empower me to pour out Your blessing on those around me.  Encourage me to seek out opportunities to extend the span of my outreach so Your Name may be glorified even more.  As You give us this day our daily bread, grant that I would trust in Your daily provision of spiritual, physical, and emotional sustenance, and not by bread alone, but by every Word that proceeds from the mouth of God. _{(References: Deuteronomy 8:3 and Matthew 4:4)}

 

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Isaiah 10:

Isaiah prophesied the destruction of the oppressive and the unjust, also the nations of Israel and Judah, and “a godless nation” _{(verse 6)} by the hands of the Assyrians, who would be the “rod of His anger” and the “club of His wrath” _{(verse 5)}.  While the possibility that the “godless nation” in the crosshairs of the Assyrians might have prophetically alluded to current relations between the Americas and modern-day Assyria (Iran/Iraq), God makes a more relevant point here that the tool is never to be credited more than the One who wields it.

 

“¹⁵ Does the ax raise itself above him who swings it,
or the saw boast against him who uses it?
As if a rod were to wield him who lifts it up,
or a club brandish him who is not wood!”

 

I have no business claiming any of the glory that rightfully belongs to God when it is He who has done a good thing in my life.  When I boast of His progress in me as if it were mine, I run the risk of incurring His wrath, just as Assyria did and will.

 

Verse 21 promises that out of Israel, and I believe therefore its spiritual parallel Church of Christ, a remnant will be preserved out of the “overwhelming and righteous destruction” to come _{(verse 22)}.  It will be a winnowing of His harvest, a selection process.  God uses all things to bring about His purposes, so being a tool used for God’s purposes is not a promise of eternal glory.

 

God, while I have no authority to say what Your Word has only hinted at in these passages, I pray that, whatever You have in store, You find me faithful, and that You are pleased with Your servant.  Create in me a humble mind and a serving heart.  Keep me from boasting in anything but You.  Make me a willing tool in Your service, and preserve me for Your eternal companionship, in Christ’s Name I pray.

 

 

From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 92:

“Now that we’re in A.A. and sober, and winning back the esteem of our friends and business associates, we find that we still need to exercise special vigilance.  As an insurance against “big-shot-ism” we can often check ourselves by remembering that we are today sober only by the grace of God and that any success we may be having is far more His success than ours.”

Even in the Dark, Breathe the Light

Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time.

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Just for today, I have not found it necessary to break my abstinence. OA took away all my excuses, and for that alone I am grateful.” — Overeaters Anonymous, First Edition, p. 35

 

Remember that embarrassing Santa on Miracle on 34^th Street?  “But a man’s got to do something to keep warm!” the staggering drunk squeaked.  Any of my excuses seem as empty as that when I look at them through sober eyes.  One of the most insidious lies I hear most often is, “You HAVE to have SOME indulgence!”  People outside of recovery from compulsive overeating just don’t get this one, and perhaps they never will.  To me, this excuse sounds as ridiculous as our sloshed Santa demanding his warmth.  There are no excuses.  Nothing is worth my abstinence!  It has brought me under proper alignment with God and man, and has restored me to sanity.  Why would I give that up?

 

 

From Proverbs 9:

“¹² If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.”

 

Right relationship with God and right action with right motives causes the right things to happen in our lives.  This is reasonable.  Mockery, the outspoken display of the foolish, sets the defiant apart from the rightness that brings the blessings of Life.  I am recovering from the mockery that had me standing outside the blessing of God, learning to apply the wisdom I receive from my Higher Power to my own actions, and striving for a unidirectional purpose.  As I progress on this heading, I find more and more evidences of God’s hand on my life, and His hand is blessing enough for me.  Suffering alone was never worth whatever momentary boost I thought I got from sounding haughty or ruggedly independent!

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Psalm 147 through 150:

Did you ever wonder what makes God happy?  We self-centered humans think a lot about how He can make us happy, but Psalm 147 says we, who trust in Him, are His delight.  That’s enough to keep me warm right there!

“¹⁰ His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of a man;
¹¹ the Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.”

 

This chapter is also home to my new mission statement, in verse 3, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  God has pointed me in the direction of nursing for my next career, and it is time for me to get started on that path.

 

Psalm 148:13,

“Let them praise the name of the Lord,
for his name alone is exalted;
his splendor is above the earth and the heavens.”

Psalm 149:4-5,

“⁴ For the Lord takes delight in his people;
he crowns the humble with salvation.
⁵ Let the saints rejoice in this honor
and sing for joy on their beds.”

 

It seems appropriate that the glory of our new relationship that brings freedom for us and delight for Him would be celebrated in the same place where we once shed so many tears of shame, regret, fear, and loneliness.  Does anybody else find the bed a place for reflection and honesty?  I read recently that the person we are in the dark is the person God sees.  I think it is who we are in the dark that we really have to face in all honesty, when the hair, shape and eyes become invisible and all that remains is soul and spirit.  There I was, and it left me wanting.  Now, there I am, and I smile comfortably in His hand.

 

Psalm 150, the last of the Psalms, demands:

“¹ Praise the Lord.^{[Hebrew Hallelu Yah; also in verse 6]}

Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
² Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.”

“⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.”

 

I often celebrate the breath of the Lord.  It is the life-giving force of man, the Holy Spirit that gives man life, first breathed into the nostrils of the clay form of Adam in Genesis 2:7.  It is the Breath of God that provides for the spirit of man, and therefore any spiritual recovery man may seek.  Spirit means breath.  (From Dictionary.com – Latin spīritus orig., a breathing, equivalent to spīri-,  combining form representing spīrāre  to breathe+ -tus  suffix of v. action)  So, as I exhale self like so much carbon dioxide, I inhale God’s Life-giving Holy Spirit, and celebrate His sustenance and provision.  In the annotations of this passage I see an ancient praise that helps me accomplish this in the language of God’s first-chosen people, “Hallelu Yah,” or “Halleluia,” which literally means “Hail to Yahweh” or as written in the contemporary, “Praise the Lord!”  What a wonderful way to close out the Psalms, with this bit of help and encouragement to Praise the One who makes all things possible!

 

 

 

From The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 11–12:

“It began to look as though religious people were right after all. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible. My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted great tidings. I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on a different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.”