Today’s entry in Food for Thought, a daily meditation book by Elisibeth L., says in part:

Our goal is to let our egotistical selves be dissolved in a greater Self, so that the Higher Power lives through us.

meat cutterEgotistical means selfish, self-interested, indifferent to the well-being of others.1  What a perfect word to describe the addicted mind!  The Bible calls this the sinful, flesh or carnal nature.  It is the natural way.  Carnal is a reference to meat.2  We are prone to rottenness because we are made of meat.  The Animal Kingdom runs on this nature, killing and being killed, surviving by might and fight, dog eating dog.  Humans who know no better also live in this animalistic way, getting what they can, disregarding those around them, helping themselves to whatever they please, gratifying their sensual desires – in other words, doing what they want or feel like rather than what they know is right.  Put in reversed recovery terms, reacting to life rather than acting on it.  My addictive disease brought me to the condition that made me willing to see that I was living in this manner, even while I was claiming to serve the One who had bought me out of it.

Man cannot serve both God and selfishness,3 and a conflicted soul is a miserable soul.  Misery seeks to conceal itself in pleasure.  The pleasure source for me was food.

My goal now is integrity – the oneness of self that comes from having the same motivation all the time, not being driven by every whim, but serving God always.  Integrity is more than just oneness of self, it is a unity with the One who is the Whole.  This oneness can only happen if I forgive as I have been forgiven, as Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15, and make loving others a priority as He does.4

God, I offer up my wants, wishes and whims, in preference for Your good, pleasing and perfect will.  I recognize that this decision will feel like I am being denied something, but in actuality it brings me the reward of a closer relationship with You.  Accept this sacrifice as my living act of worship.5  Help me to live according to our relationship rather than my desires.  I do so often fail!  Thank You for Your grace that gets me back up and betters me for the next time.