I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
Yesterday I forgot to mention a departure from my action plan. I was beginning to suffer adverse effects of my sleep deprivation, so I went back to bed after breakfast and slept rather than going to the gym. Since I have a break in school, I can go today and resume my normal routine until school starts again on August 26th.
I have to share another thing that happened to me yesterday that proves God is working in my recovery to change who I am. Not too many years ago, people were in no hurry to see me. I have shared that I had a reputation as being a condescending, sharp-witted jerk. Yesterday, as I arrived to work, two of my coworkers were standing outside in the sun and they both looked up to see me, and smiled broadly. Then one said, “Oh, good! You’re here! It’s one of the highlights of my day to see you come to work,” while the other nodded in agreement. I thanked them for the warm greeting, tried to reply graciously, and went indoors just in time to shed a tear in the bathroom, amazed at how extensively God has changed things in so short a time.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Relapse is not inevitable.” — A Plan of Eating, page 9
I know I’ve shared this before, but a few years ago, I heard the operator of a recovery hospital describe what he said was wrong with most recovery hospitals. He accused recovery coaches and medical doctors of programming people to believe the myth that their best recovery comes only after relapse. He made that sound like such foolishness that it seemed like a slap on the forehead when he followed it up with, “We’re running a relapse-optional recovery program!” It was only a few weeks later that I discovered I, myself, was in need of recovery, and I began my own recovery program that, by the grace of God, has been and I hope will continue to be, relapse-free. Notice I didn’t say, “God willing”? The reason I didn’t is because I have learned that God’s will for me is good, pleasing and perfect. He apparently does not wish for me to fall, stumble, or fail, and He keeps providing me the resources and strength for success, growth and unity with Him. So the only will that stands in the way of my relapse-free recovery is mine. The words of that doctor ring in my ears almost every time food thoughts threaten my abstinence, and I am committed to make it, one more day at a time, with the knowledge that relapse is not inevitable and the option is up to me.
From Proverbs 31, NIV:
Last night I heard the testimony of a man raised without a father, whose life was spent in an out of jail. He said that, after a Christian team visited him in prison he went to his barracks and began to read Proverbs. He saw how much of it was addressed to “my son” and how it was filled with the wise instruction he had always lacked. I listened through my own tears as I celebrated my childhood in God that seemed somehow renewed in the hearing of this man’s first acceptance of that unconditional love through Christ. This morning, as I opened Proverbs to these words, I was washed with a fresh outpouring of that love as I again celebrated that I am God’s child and He is excited about me, just as King Lemuel’s mother was excited about him and taught him this oracle. Because I am valued by the Highest of all Powers, I am worth whatever it takes to keep my head up, move forward, and keep doing whatever I find is next according to His will.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Hebrews 8, NIV:
1 Now the main point of what we are saying is this: We do have such a high priest, who sat down at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in heaven, 2 and who serves in the sanctuary, the true tabernacle set up by the Lord, not by a mere human being.
Moses’ tabernacle, Solomon’s temple, and even the hearts of mankind are all merely copies of the true throne room of Heaven (verse 5), where Christ intercedes for us with the Father. The old covenant is fulfilled, and all things are new.
God, I thank You connecting me to the Heavenlies by sending Your Son, of both worlds, to do what none from either one could have done: be a conduit of Your grace. Help me to keep from grieving Your Spirit or tarnishing the reputation of Your grace. Add to my willing surrender a full measure of Your loving kindness that pours out from me onto others around me.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Alcoholic Anonymous Number Three”:
I wasn’t afraid that the program wouldn’t work, but I still was doubtful whether I would be able to hang on to the program, but I did come to the conclusion that I was willing to put everything I had into it, with God’s power, and that I wanted to do just that. As soon as I had done that I did feel a great release. I knew that I had a helper that I could rely upon, who wouldn’t fail me. If I could stick to Him and listen, I would make it.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.