I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
It’s a week full of birthdays and visiting family. My older sister and her family are in from out of state to visit on her birthday. (It was my younger sister and her family who visited last week.) My daughter celebrated a birthday yesterday, although it is actually today. All my plans have been shuffled in preference for the plans of others. This work week will be like that too. My boss decided to change my hours, just this week, so that I have to report in just about the time I normally take my lunch, so I will be packing everything but breakfast every day this week. I greatly dislike doing that, especially for no better reason than the whim of a re-inventer of a wheel that was never broken in the first place. I am working on not being resentful, but I bet you can’t tell from my tone.
I’ve got all my week’s chores done: homework, yard, shopping, cleaning, laundry, meal-preparation and packaging. I’m tired already, and feel like I need a day off from my days off!
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God…” — Step Eleven
Seeking to know God better is what keeps me connected to Him. As soon as I am apathetic to His existence, my spirit turns away and begins to wander. It is at such times that the call of the prophets applies to me, “Repent!” which means “turn back,” or as I like to think of it, “Return to me!” Jesus Christ, in John 15:5, says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. It is fruitless to wander away from the source of all strength, peace and provision. Without an active and open connection to Him through prayer and meditation, I’m just a dead stick.
From Proverbs 17, NIV:
9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense,
but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
This explains a lot of my difficulty. I’m not much of a gossip, which I’m sure this is intended to address, but I repeat “the matter” to the offender, even when the offense is only in my mind. As a result, I am often separated from any close friendships. Criticism kills!
Lord, deliver me from the attitude that deceives me into believing that my way is better than the way of others. Help me to keep my observations of the mistakes and shortcomings of others to myself and to focus instead on how I can be of better service to You and to them.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Titus 1, NIV:
15 To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. 16 They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.
The corrupt of mind and conscience are useless instruments, broken tools. The word “detestable” conjures images of filthy trash. Here’s the scary part: that some of them “claim to know God.” It seems odd that a knower of God might deny Him by their actions, but having been one of just this type, I can tell you that such anomalies exist and are, in fact, quite common. I am not claiming to be “pure,” but I am on the road to purity, progressing from my disobedient condition, a result of having heard and heeded God’s call to return to Him. I want to be a useful tool, fit for the Master’s work.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 77:
Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.