I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
What a week! I have been busier than any three people I know, but I managed to spend a little time with my visiting out-of-town family members, get to several church meetings, met with repair guys, got some projects finished, finished my homework, quiz, and studying for my test (which was this morning), and still made it to the gym and my Saturday home meeting as scheduled. I feel as though my devotions were thinner and less purposeful without posting much of them in the last few days. I get out of it what I put into it. It seems like that must be a universal law, something like the law of “you reap what you sow.” I feel confident about my test today, but that didn’t come easy. I had no pressure to need to do well on this one, since our professor allows us to drop our lowest test grade and I have made all 100s so far. Still, I got anxious. I spent much time in preparation for it in prayer and deep breathing. God showed up. I’m fairly certain, with God’s help, I scored well.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“…someone much more understanding and accepting of me than I am needs to take over handling my life.”
One thing was sure about grace, and that is I didn’t have any and I needed it. Even though I had received forgiveness from God, I didn’t forgive myself. That’s like promoting myself as an authority even over the Great Judge! When I began to accept that God was a Higher Power than I will ever be, I began to accept His pardon and apply it to myself. I began to get comfortable nesting in His caring embrace. What a wonderfully peaceful place to be! As I grow more comfortable there, I gradually accept that what He is doing to, for and through me is just fine with me. I don’t have to jump up and fix things when I see them going in a manner inconsistent with my plan, because His gentle, loving hands are always working on molding me into something new, and I like being new.
From Proverbs 10, NIV:
11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,
but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
The mouth between these two ears is too often a vessel of bitterness. I am looking forward to the day when the front half of this proverb will apply to me and my mouth produces the “fruit of wisdom” like verse 31 describes. Until then, I am content to be a work in progress.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in 1 Timothy 5, NIV:
24 The sins of some are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them. 25 In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not obvious cannot remain hidden forever.
Okay, all references to my former body dimensions aside, my character defects or sins were the most offense parts of me that beat me to where I was going and dragged behind me when I left. The promising part of this goes along with the message of the previous readings. What I will become will be no more concealable than the symptoms of my disease of sin when I was wallowing in self-indulgence. As I continue to give preference to those around me, even over myself, I will find myself blessed. I do not claim to have laid hold of this life marked by a reputation of good deeds that precedes me, but I am looking forward to it.
Lord, make me an instrument of Your grace today. I want You to be recognized in the words I say and the things I do, not that I may have a good reputation, but that You, through my life, may be better known.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “An Artist’s Concept”:
Was it just their sincerity that was magnetic? Yes, they certainly were sincere, but much more than that emanated from them. Was it their great and terrible need, now being fulfilled, that made me feel a vibratory force that was new and strange? Now I was getting closer and suddenly, it seemed to me, I had the answer. These men were but instruments. Of themselves they were nothing.
Here at last was a demonstration of spiritual law at work. Here was spiritual law working through human lives just as definitely and with the same phenomena expressed in the physical laws that govern the material world.
These men were like lamps supplied with current from a huge spiritual dynamo and controlled by the rheostat of their souls. They burned dim, bright, or brilliant, depending upon the degree and progress of their contact. And this contact could only be maintained just so long as they obeyed that spiritual law.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.