I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
I was remembering what selfish motives their mother and I had for having children. We wanted a baby! They are cute and cuddly and will be fun to play with and will carry on the family name. I’m sure part of me wanted a voice-controlled miniature of myself to help with chores. You know the looks a young bride gets when they see other mothers with their babies – that “I want one!” look. The reasons for having children are usually selfish. Further evidence of this is the number of people spending billions of dollars a year on infertility treatments while the number of orphaned children in need of parents still skyrockets. We human animals like all the other animals on earth want to propagate our own lines.
I am learning that to let go of those young requires selflessness like I have never exercised before. What self wants is to cradle and shelter our children. This nurturing instinct even comes with a healthy fear of losing them that serves to motivate us to be careful about our parenting. I am learning that the fear of losing them can be eclipsed by a fear of failing them, motivating the hand that once cradled a helpless child to graduate to patting the back of a capable adult. It is a denial of the selfish instinct to keep, hold and shelter that which needs to grow, flourish and fly.
By the way, Junior landed on his feet, and was welcomed by his new roommate and friends with a reception at his new apartment. I spoke on the phone with him shortly after I spoke with my Heavenly Father this morning.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“From now on, we cease telling ourselves we are always going to be dishonest, selfish, abusive, stupid, or bad people. Instead, we repeatedly affirm to ourselves the truth about ourselves— that we are becoming honest, caring, nurturing, wise, and effective human beings as we practice our new behaviors day by day.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 64
Faith is quenched by the negative self-talk most of us practice. We don’t do it because we love it; we do it because we have failed to shut out the lies to our spirit. There is only one way to dispel darkness, and that is to let in the light. I am a new creation, an esteemed child of God, liberated from my past to be a minister of His will wherever I go. These thoughts are light and they are life as long as I live them and rehearse them. The lies of Darkness will always be there waiting for me to hear them as soon as I let up on basking in the Light.
From Proverbs 2, NIV:
This is one of several verses describing the “wicked men” (v.12) from whom Wisdom would save us. I couldn’t help but notice that these particular wicked men were once on the straight paths themselves. This, to me, is a call to diligence. It seems those walking in dark ways lost what they had. I will run as if to win the race; careful to stay on track rather than disqualify myself. Like I said before, darkness is always willing to welcome me back if I should ever depart from the Light.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in 2 Thessalonians 2, NIV:
9 The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with how Satan works. He will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie, 10 and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.
In revealing a little of what will happen in the end times, Paul describes the just the sort of spiritual tactics of the dark forces of Satan to which I have been referring. The deceiver is all about the lie that God is not God. If he can get man to just consider it for a moment then he as his foot in that man’s door. The Truth that sets men free and rescues the perishing has a name: Jesus. This reading predicts the rise of the antichrist, cautions against false miracles, identifies the modus operandi of our chief enemy, and pronounces sentence on the rebellious, all while holding the key to salvation freely offered for the willing.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your mercies which are new every morning. Help me to so brightly reflect the light of Your loving grace that none may be distracted by my humanity and refuse to see Your truth and be saved.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164:
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.