Abstinent Today:

I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I have received a lot of criticism lately, mostly from home, but as of yesterday from work as well, and the observations of my boss were consistent with what I have been hearing from family members.  The complaints involve my attempts to communicate through writing.  I’ve received similar criticism on a social media site and am beginning to wonder if writing is a communication medium I might need to stop using.  It is humbling to one who thought writing was both his therapeutic hobby (and maybe even a mission) to be told I am so carelessly hurtful in it.  I will have to pray and meditate on that and not make any emotional overreactions to it just now.

Charles Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening devotion this morning defined for me my state of discontent before God led me to a recovery program that put the feet on my religion.  He contrasted the “sincere believer” and “those who are strangers to vital godliness.”  Then he really convicted the old me when he grouped “mere professors” with “ungodly persons.”  I was a very proud “professor” of the Gospel, pressing those around me under my expert knowledge and squashing their throats with my oppressive and exclusive viewpoints, but armed as I was with an extensive knowledge of the Bible, I’m not sure I was ever in a real, loving relationship with its Author, and I certainly was a stranger to “vital godliness” until I really took Step Three.  I found myself and many of the church-goers I have known described in this excerpt:

“Ungodly persons and mere professors never look upon religion as a joyful thing; to them it is service, duty, or necessity, but never pleasure or delight. If they attend to religion at all, it is either that they may gain thereby, or else because they dare not do otherwise.”

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

My expectation of others was that if they did it my way, we wouldn’t be having these problems. I once operated under this belief and tried to control people and situations.  …  Today I am open to the possibility that God’s world and His children have no limits.

Self-will is my major malfunction!   Compulsive eating was just a symptomatic result of the disappointment of such a need.  Expecting my whims to be the law by which others lived was nothing short of insane, and I have done a lot of damage both to myself and to those around me by behaviors that flowed from such a toxic spirit and mind.

 

 

From Proverbs 14, NIV:

17 A quick-tempered person does foolish things,

and the one who devises evil schemes is hated.

Hmm…  Introspection tells me I have not arrived but still have much progress to make where this is concerned.  I am eager for God to take away this character defect.

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Ephesians 1, NIV:

17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians is a good one for me to pray for others, whether associated with my resentments or on my mind to bless.  It sounds a lot like “knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out,” from Step Eleven.  Even more, it is something I want for myself, and asking for it for anyone else is appropriate.

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Freedom from Bondage”:

If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free.

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

Advertisements