I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
It’s my last day off, so that means busy preparations for the work-cycle. I also had school this morning, and we have a quiz Wednesday. So I’m juggling, but I’ll be okay.
Mrs. L and I still have not resolved our differences, so I remain in a state of emotional incarceration at home. Since the weekend is over and my work-cycle begins tomorrow, we will likely not see each other or have another chance at resolution until Saturday, unless it is done by email or note which I am learning is not an acceptable medium of communication with the girls in my family.
I received a favorable estimate for my roof, which has taken priority over floor, walls, paint and siding. (Yes, I’m still living with a strip of bare concrete in my living room, covered partially by furniture and rugs.) The logic is that if the roof fails, everything underneath it is at risk. So we prioritize the roof, then fix the siding, then work on the interior including the paint and floors. I feel like Tom Hanks in the Money Pit! Our well pipe is failing too, and will have to be replaced soon. That will prioritize itself as the pressure continues to wane on our current one. I wonder if all this residential household upheaval is in anyway related to the insecurity and irritability of my bride. I’m sure it is.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“When we face the guilt that truthfully tells us, ‘You made a mistake,’ we’re freed of shame that falsely tells us, ‘You are a mistake.’” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 43
This was a liberating concept for me, and I think it translates to “failure” to alleviate a lot of my primary fears: those of being a failure. Albert Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” I can fail without being a failure, just like Thomas Edison, who took 3000 tries to get the light bulb right. He has been quoted as saying, “Even though I fail 10,000 times, I have not failed; I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
I know I was created by a Supreme Creator, whose work I would not dare criticize. I also know that all of the times I disappoint Him have been forgiven. So who is left to fear? Having been pardoned by God for my error toward Him, what failure or mistake could I possibly perpetrate that should concern me?
Heavenly Father, keep me focused on You and cognizant of the grace You have given me, so that I might not be discouraged by the distractions around me. Thank You for loving me and saving me from myself and from sin.
From Proverbs 10, NIV:
19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.
Okay, rather than expound on this one too much, I just went back to the first section of today’s post and deleted a lot of negative chatter. I figured the message of this passage was for me, directly, now.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Galatians 4, NIV:
6 Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba,[Aramaic for Father] Father.” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.
There is little to say here but, “Thank You, Pappa!” The words of this song do it nicely.
All I Can Do (Thank You), by Mikeschair
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 66:
Oh, great! More for me, directly, now:
Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
That phrase, “being very careful not to criticize them” reminds me of a video that I found very instructional. I hope you enjoy it.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.