Abstinent Today:

I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I am in harm’s way!  “Divide and conquer” is a concept familiar to any military force.  I have been cut off from each of my family members by Satan’s schemes just in time to endure one of the hardest days in my life.  Oddly, the one from whom I feel least separated is the one at the heart of my current struggle, my son.  Without divulging too much detail, I have once again been flagged by my character defects and have been put in relationship time-out by both my daughter and my wife.  While I ride out my time in the penalty box, I am trying not to make things worse by doing what I would normally do: justify what I did or said, criticize my critics, or attempt to bring attention to my pain.  I must consider that those who hurt me are, perhaps, spiritually sick.  They, like myself, are in need of God’s grace.  I can pray for tolerance, pity and the patience I would cheerfully grant a sick friend and recommit myself to doing no more harm while I seek to make amends in some way at some time.  I have certainly done more than my share to contribute to the illness of those around me over the years; I can certainly be patient with the wails of the wounded.  The timing is the most horrible thing.  I know that dark forces are teaming against my family and me, and this week they are likely snickering to themselves.

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Each day that we live well, we are well… one day at a time.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 106

Today, I have nothing really to say about that, except that I am not well every day.  I can go through tough times and not eat over them.  That is a miracle in and of itself, but some days, that I am abstinent is the most positive thing I can say.  This morning I even choked on the words of affirmation I normally recite.  Some days, all I can do is reach for “well” as a goal, a state to which I may, by God’s grace, one day return.

 

 

From Proverbs 5, NIV:

21 For your ways are in full view of the Lord,

and he examines all your paths.

It is nice to be reminded that I am in the loving care of One with an omniscient point of view.  There are no surprises to God, and He is well aware of my sufferings.  Even on days when I feel utterly alone, I am not.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in 2 Corinthians 12, NIV:

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

What a great verse for a day like today!  All I really need is the grace of God.  Nothing else will satisfy me.  Affirmation from humans won’t do, twelve buckets of ice cream wouldn’t do, liquor wouldn’t do, even wholesome thrills and family fun would not satisfy my soul.  Whether in rain or drought, feast or famine, crowd or isolation, God’s love is the only thing that will never fail me, and He is faithful to restore me to Life.

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62:

Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

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