I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
Can I just say, I’m having a tough time this week? I’m bothered by some negative feedback at home and elsewhere. I’m exhausted from the pace I’m keeping. I have not sat on my couch for more than five minutes the whole week, and I haven’t kept up with my Action Plan for much of the week at all. Add to that some household chores are falling behind, while new ones pop up, and my family received some bad medical news concerning my father last week that has us all a little nervous.
I’m taking it one thing at a time, but several other “things” get dropped in the shuffle for front and center. One thing I know I mustn’t omit is my devotional readings. They keep me plugged in, and the writings keep me accountable to doing the readings. So there you have it: rigorous honesty!
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Clearly, if we are to live free of the bondage of compulsive eating, we must abstain from all foods and eating behaviors which cause us problems.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, pp. 2-3
This excerpt makes me chuckle because it uses one of the catchwords from my cynical, sarcastic, interrogating the universe days. “Clearly…” I would say, “the evidence proves that my way is right!” “Clearly, he is an idiot!” “Clearly” was up there with some others of mine, “Actually…” and “Let me get this straight!” These were just a few of the sounds my sarcasm gun would make when I cocked it and got ready to blast someone with the obvious failure of theirs to be as smart, as informed, or as aligned with my unpredictable way as me.
This statement qualifies as one of the obvious postulates upon which a truly better way is found, but it did not come with the defective delivery that was always my evil style. Its truth deserves a little rib-poke to those who still deny it. No, we compulsive eaters cannot have just a bite! No, it will not work out well for us if we only try some of mom’s cooking in moderation! Abstinence clears the mind and allows us to make a spiritual decision rather than a flesh-driven one. I must “Just say no!”
From Proverbs 23, NIV:
1 When you sit to dine with a ruler,
note well what is before you.
17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord.
20 Do not join those who drink too much wine
or gorge themselves on meat
I thought these went well together, especially right before an American holiday weekend marked by so much backyard treats and meats.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in 1 Corinthians 16, NIV:
13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.
God, help me to stand strong and courageous. Help me to live a life marked by love rather than cynicism and hate. Wash me of the old ways, and keep remaking me new. I accept Your design for me, and I offer myself to You to do and build what You wish. Your will be done!
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Doctor’s Opinion”:
The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.