I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
Wow! This work to sleep to school turnaround is going to be tough, but I will do it because it is what I have to do to accomplish what I have determined is God’s will for me. There is no part of me that feels like getting up at 6am when I just went to bed at 1:30. Feelings aren’t the motivator; God’s will is. This is what I will do. It was fun to watch what happened in class today with so many still unprepared for class or uninterested. I think my fear of returning after all these years is just enough of a motivator that I refuse to be caught not doing my part. I studied ahead and was able to participate in class at a level others were not. In the case where it motivates, I believe even fear can be a good thing. The only fear that is bad is the one that paralyzes me. …In this case, the same fear that kept me from doing this for the last twenty-six years!
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“…praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” — Step Eleven
When I first heard of the concept in Step Eleven, I was put off just a little bit. I thought it sounded awfully limiting. As I pray it and seek the answers to those prayers, though, I am finding that God’s will for me is the single greatest thing I could possibly have asked for, and the power to carry it out matches me to the circumstance every time. There is no greater thing for which to ask than God’s will. I believe that is why Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” Were God’s will to be done here all the time, it would be like Heaven. It takes people laying down their own wills and asking for His to get the supernaturally significant results.
From Proverbs 15, NIV:
21 Folly brings joy to one who has no sense,
but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course.
Self-indulgence falls into the category of folly, so it would also contain seeking my way rather than God’s, eating what I want, lounging when there is work to do, or responding to anything according to the way I feel. Any of these things will give me a temporary good feeling if I am shallow and spiritually numb. Keeping the course, for me, is sticking to what I know to do, rather than following the whims of fancy, especially because my whims gust and blow like a furious storm, first this way then another then die out completely. No one can navigate anywhere with such an unpredictable wind in their sails. God’s way, on the other hand, is always true, never changing. He wants the same thing for me that He wanted when He was dreaming me up before the primordial ooze was spoken into light, darkness, land and sky: abundant life in communion with Him.
If I know nothing else, I can make decisions based on those two factors. I can ask myself which of the possible choices brings me better communion with God and/or more abundant life. If the question was salad or pizza, there is one obvious answer. If it was marrying that sweet girl from church or living the bachelor life until I’ve sowed my wild oats, there is still an obvious answer. The intuition that we claim we have, if it is serving God’s purpose, will always draw us in the direction of abundant life in communion with Him. If a choice conflicts with that, then we’re off track somewhere. I have found that God will reveal His will to me if I ask and am patient for Him to reveal it. I do not trust my power of observation, so I usually ask that God make it extremely obvious so that I do not miss His direction. He always does!
From my reading through the Bible, currently in 1 Corinthians 9, NIV:
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
“Aren’t you being a little extreme?” I have heard people ask me about my religious faith. I hope so! The last thing I want God to say about me is, “Well, he’s okay I guess, but I could take him or leave him.” I am staying a course and keeping in the race not just to finish, or even to place, but to get there ahead of the pack and spend the extra celebration time with my Benefactor, while we watch the rest of the racers stride toward the finish line as we, together, encourage them on. It is not selfish to eagerly push for more when it comes to intimacy with God!
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “He Who Loses His Life”:
I saw a paradox, that he who loses his life does indeed find it. The more you give, the more you get. The less you think of yourself the more of a person you become.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.