I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
I had a late night last night and an early morning this morning. The party’s over and it’s back to work today. I’m interested to see how my new routine works out. I feel like I’ve missed something somewhere, but I can’t think of what it would be. Maybe my old habit of feeling inadequate is trying to sneak back up on me. It’s a good thing I don’t live by my feelings anymore!
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels.” — For Today, p. 154
Somebody in my family bought THE primary binge food in THE most difficult flavor and stored it in OUR (but it feels like MY) freezer. They even got it out and ate it at MY mealtime. I had to chuckle to myself because I recoiled at the thought of indulgence in such a toxic substance: the emptiness of a food made for no other purpose but entertainment, the artery-clogging, heart-stopping, emotional roller-coaster-starting chemicals that were being spooned into the faces of those I love actually made me hurt for them rather than envy them. As I ate my healthy fuel and remained abstinent, I parroted this quote.
I recently mused that, if somehow I knew death would come tonight, I believe I would still remain abstinent today because, even without the long-term consequences of my binge-foods, living in clarity and vitality without them is so much sweeter that tasting them on my tongue.
From Proverbs 14, NIV:
1 The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
As I sit in my house, with the floorboards pulled up and the wall cutaway, waiting for the next phase of repair to begin, it occurs to me that no woman I know would intentionally bring down the house she identifies as her home. I am told that most women, generally speaking, find their identity in their home and in their relationships, as opposed to most men who generally find their identity more in their vocation.
Where this verse hits me is in my role as housekeeper and homemaker of my own body, a part of us from which we all derive some sense of our identity. Photographs are used by government to identify us from one another, and by families to archive their highlight moments in albums and social media. Our bodies identify us and, to a certain extent, represent us. So why have I lived so foolishly as to intentionally tear mine down all these years? It is time to be a wise homemaker and keep house in a manner that builds it up, not tears it down. My body is not just a vehicle for my spirit, but it is the Temple of the Holy Spirit who lives within me. I owe it to the One who freed me to keep His created vessel ship-shape. It has become an act of worship (Romans 12:1).
From my reading through the Bible, currently in 1 Corinthians 8, NIV:
6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
In the middle of Paul’s instructive argument about eating or abstaining from food sacrificed to idols, comes this beautiful statement of faith, purpose and power. All I have, am, do, or will be comes from the Father, through the Son, to me. It is by and for Jesus I live, and by His power and for His glory I die to myself and receive His vitality to accomplish His purposes today.
God, thank You for Your providence. Fill me with Your power and direct it toward Your purpose, in Jesus’ name. Amen!
From The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, “Step Three”:
We will no longer simply do what we feel like doing or what we think we can get away with. Instead, we will earnestly seek to learn God’s will for us, then we will act accordingly. We give up fear and indecision, knowing that if we are sincere, our Higher Power will give us the knowledge of our best course in life, along with the willingness and ability to follow that course, even when it seems difficult and uncomfortable.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.