I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
Last night I just could not keep my eyes open any longer, so my action plan had to change. That has me thinking about my action plan and priorities. If I change my plan on a whim, am I kneeling before the idol of self? Or am I listening to the machine that propels my spirit and caring for it as for the temple of God? I think that changing the plan could be motivated by either, so I have to be careful, when I make changes, to closely examine the factors that move me. The problem is that I can justify about anything. My sick brain has made all sorts of indulgences sound noble. I might have been a good litigator! What are plan changes really, except a re-prioritizing of actions in the context of time. Yesterday, I justified putting off my devotion until after my training day because I only got three hours of sleep. Then I reasoned that I could not possibly do them before eating on schedule or driving home. Once at home with everything accomplished, I began to read, and with only three hours of sleep behind my eyelids, it became difficult to see anything on the other side of them. So, I had re-prioritized my devotional reading and writing right off the page!
Some flexibility is necessary to accommodate the moving of God’s will in human life. I believe God orchestrated an amazing opportunity for ministry in my life yesterday, so I have no regrets. But I have noticed myself making excuses a lot lately, skipping gym workouts, changing meal plans last minute, not finishing my journalling, and I need to keep vigilant about such trends.
I’ve got to share this from yesterday’s…
Morning and Evening devotional by Charles Spurgeon:
He is risen, I am risen in him, why then should I cleave unto the dust?
…O raise me, draw me. Thy grace can do it. Send forth thy Holy Spirit to kindle sacred flames of love in my heart, and I will continue to rise until I leave life and time behind me, and indeed come away.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“What would I like such a power to be and to do in my life? …Then we began to act as if such a power existed and we found good things happening to us as a result.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 14
Honestly, this sounded to me like man trying to create God when I first heard the concept, and it chapped my hide. It is encouraging, however, to think of it as using our limited perception combined with our limited imagination to try and conceive of an all-knowing, all-perceiving, limitlessly wonderful God, a person in whom all power, infinite goodness, and unfathomable wisdom and love resides. I, a mere man, cannot create God, but without stretching my limited understanding, I will never come to know Him as a personal Lord and friend.
The bigger feat is making my actions follow the concept of a God so big and loving being involved in my life in all its details. I’ve been in charge of me for so long (or tried to be), giving control to a power other than me, even if it is an omnipotent one, is contrary to my pattern, and a difficult rut to jump.
Dear Father, today, accept my life into Your caring hands. Help me resist grabbing it back, but lift me out of these paths I’ve dug for myself and onto Your perfect will for me. Fill and empower me with Your spirit, that I might not obstruct our relationship again with my petty whims and wishes. Your will be done!
From Proverbs 26:
24 Enemies disguise themselves with their lips,
but in their hearts they harbor deceit.
25 Though their speech is charming, do not believe them,
for seven abominations fill their hearts.
I carry one such enemy around with me, and it the one in my head, the rationalization of sin, the mind of the flesh. It slithers around my spirit and whispers its lies, telling me that what is forbidden is good, pleasing, and desirable. It is this enemy that I daily crush under my foot, as I offer myself to God and His will for me.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Romans 6:
11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness.
20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
Paul’s argument for spiritual rebirth is congruent with the realities of spiritual recovery, so long as the Higher Power we employ is the One, true omnipotent Power, who makes the abundant resurrection life possible.
From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 34:
Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once unlocked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, and looking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which is an inscription. It reads: “This is the way to a faith that works.”
Post of note:
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.