I am a gratefully recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” — Step Four
Exhaustive and courageous might be better words for what I did when I first took Step Four. Exhaustive and searching bear little difference, except that my search was less about discovery and more about confronting the truths of myself I already knew. Courageous bests fearless only because facing my darker giants did put a little tremble in my step, but I marched up to them anyway. As I understand courage, it is not the absence of fear but the disregard of it to do what one must.
I can honestly say that, today, I am more afraid of remaining in my defects than of admitting them or being without them, so any personal inventory I make now is less courageous than fearless, but it was not that way in the beginning. Wherever fear is, either in front of me or behind me, it is not the factor that motivates me to move or to stay. I pray that God’s grace each moment gives me the drive to do His will for me every step of my way.
From Proverbs 1:
Wisdom calls out, “Repent,” not to shame or cast blame on me, but to initiate an open relationship of God’s thoughts and teachings into my life. God and I cannot have a relationship if I don’t face Him. Turning my own way separates us, to my own harm. Turning to Him is for my good.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Acts 9:
3 As he [Saul] neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him.4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. 6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”
This is the kind of introduction few have, but the testimony of which many later would need to hear. Saul, who had persecuted the early Christians, or “followers of the Way” as they were called, were imprisoned and beaten for their faith, all in the name of religious zeal. I love the way Christ addresses Saul, and lets him know that further instruction is coming. In verse 16, Christ revealed to Ananias that Saul will have much more to suffer for the Name of Jesus before all is done.
I feel for Ananias! He was the one called to go to Saul, this persecutor of Christians, and minister to him. He respectfully pointed out to the Lord that Saul was dangerous, but God’s answer was simple and direct, “Go!” (v. 15).
May I be as zealous as Paul, as obedient as Ananias, and as empowered as Peter, even as I go on my way, seeking God’s will for me and the power to carry that out.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 50:
There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.