I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“For the sake of our compulsive eating, we have turned ourselves into objects of ridicule and we have destroyed our health.” – The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 10
I don’t remember the date, but I vividly remember standing in front of the mirror and making the conscious decision not to care anymore about how fat I got or how much I weighed. I was exhausted by the disappointment of so many failed diets, and I decided to admit defeat and accept that I was and would always be fat. For a moment, it felt liberating because within that decision was another: to do and eat whatever I wanted without regret. About forty pounds heavier, at my top weight, the consequences of “whatever I wanted” toppled me off my knees and tore the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) of my right knee. It was in this shape, suffering 320 pounds on crutches under my armpits, that I heard the truth behind the ridicule. Before a roomful of so many who I was sure needed me to set them straight, I stood dumbfounded when, as I preached healthy balance, an adolescent voice quipped, “Like you! Right?” That ridicule was amplified every time I was reduced to waiting for the battery-operated wheelchairs at the mega-grocery store, and with every item I shamefully scooped into its basket. We turned ourselves over to compulsive eating and destroyed our health, all right! Why, then is it so hard for us to turn ourselves over to the care of a loving God who restores? I think I will again today!
From Proverbs 17 (NKJV):
Spiritual health is tied to emotional health is tied to physical health. When one of them is neglected or abused, they all suffer. When one is cared for, they all benefit. We are one person with three entities, like a trinity after the pattern of the Creator who made us. Genesis 1:26, “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness…’”
From my reading through the Bible, currently in John 14 (NKJV):
“1 Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.”
“6 Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
“16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.”
“20 At that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you.”
In these verses, Jesus explains the Trinity of God and our relationship with God, through Christ, by way of the Spirit. Our trinities meet with the Holy Trinity to make the one inferior more like the One Model and Master of our creation and development.
Holy God, live in me, and make my life a representation of grace which I cannot and have not except for Your presence. Thank You for understanding all that makes me and for providing me just enough glimpse into what is wrong with me to make me hunger for Your perfect and pleasing will. I rejoice in Your goodness!
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Freedom from Bondage”:
“Had I been able to explain to a psychiatrist the feelings of futility, loneliness and lack of purpose, that had come with my deep sense of personal failure at this second divorce, I seriously doubt that the good doctor could have convinced me that my basic problem was a spiritual hunger, but A.A. has shown me this was the truth. And if I had been able to turn to the church at that time I’m sure they could not have convinced me my sickness was within myself, nor could they have shown me the need for self-analysis that A.A. has shown me is vital if I am to survive.”
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.