Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I have family visiting from out of town, so I will be spending my day with them.  They are on my Step Eight list, so I will be working extra hard to do no harm and to live in such a way as to mend what I have broken in the past.



From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Permanent recovery is possible, and I am worth receiving it.”

That I am worth any good thing was not something I was used to accepting when I came into the rooms of OA.  I knew that I was loved, but I had a warped understanding of “unmerited love” that fit the mold of my own self-loathing, and diminished my ability to respect anyone who did love me.  As a result, I doubted and disrespected those closest to me, even God.  Accepting that God found me worth crossing the universe and dying for made me put a clamp on the cynical chatter in my head that used to blame and shame me into disbelief, and awakened my spirit to join in the love that was always there.  With that relationship as a constant connection, there is no limit to what is possible.  Permanent recovery from compulsive eating?  That’s no small thing, but it’s nothing compared to the life I am being given!



From Proverbs 14 (NKJV):

16 A wise man fears and departs from evil,
But a fool rages and is self-confident.”

There is a turning point for me in this verse, because I see so much of what I was in the second half of it.  I do not want to be that anymore, so I will pray for the wisdom that teaches me to fear evil, and I will depart from it as I identify it.



From my reading through the Bible, currently in John 11 (NKJV):

25 Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die.’”

I love this chapter!  It tells me much about Jesus’ character, as we see Him loving His friends and weeping even over one He would raise to life.  But wrapped in the symbolism of the resurrection of Lazarus, I find the story of me: a dead man, wrapped in clothes of death, lying in isolated darkness, called forth to life to resume friendship with Jesus.   It is a foreshadowing of what would come for Jesus, what will come for all Christians at the Resurrection of the Last Day, and what has come as a result of my redemption from the despair of self-absorbed living – the bondage of self.





From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 63:

“We were now at Step Three.  Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: ‘God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.  Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.  Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!’”


Post Script:  I managed to make it through the day without harming any of which I know, and even had the opportunity to share with and serve those I love so dearly!   

It’s gotten late.  Good night!





*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.