I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
No, I don’t have any resentments toward Congress for taking away an hour of my sleep! Why would you ask? Just because it’s Daylight Savings Time, and the “spring forward” has taken any spring out of my step? I’ll be fine!
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Turning my will and life over to the care of God as I understand God means I cease demanding perfection of myself, of others, of life. Instead, I relax and enjoy the view on those strange detours in my road. I may feel lost and confused, but God knows the way.”
God amazes me all the time by showing me how even my missteps were for worked together for my good. Even when the will of man pushes against the perfection of God, He still manages to make it all work out. I have concluded that, even if my worst case scenario comes true (and it never does), God will still be God and He will still have me in His hand. With that in mind, I can rest easy, leaning back into the hands that hold me even now. With mind, spirit, and body at peace, I am much more able to complete each task as it is handed to me, one at a time.
From Proverbs 10 (NKJV):
“21 The lips of the righteous feed many,
But fools die for lack of wisdom..[literally heart]”
Recently, a friend of mine took his own life, apparently unable to cope with the ghosts he saw in his future. My hope is that whatever wisdom God might share with me, as feeble and fallible a mouthpiece as I may be, I might be faithful in sharing it with those around me who are hungry to hear it. The choir at church this morning sang a song with the words, “Your load will be much lighter when Jesus lifts the load.” That seems like a pretty simple concept of physics, but it is amazing how many of us wave God off just to suffer or even die under the weight of our burdens, insisting all the while that we have it under control. The world needs the freedom we Twelve-Steppers have learned at the hands of our addiction: we cannot handle life by ourselves, but God can handle this mess and whatever other messes we make along the way. As I continue to surrender the broken pieces of my life to God, I find He cements them together into a beautiful mosaic, the likes of which I, as a dirty old clay pot, could never have imagined.
Jesus Lifts the Load, by Wayne and Elizabeth Goodine
From my reading through the Bible, currently in John 7 (NKJV):
“38 ‘He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ 39 But this He spoke concerning the Spirit, whom those believing [who believed] in Him would receive;”
The promise of this statement overwhelms me with joy, and yet causes me to consider whether I have squelched the flow of this river by my human interference. How many missed opportunities went by while I satiated my lust for comfort or acceptance? How many thirsty souls died unquenched while I pent up the reservoirs of mercy in my selfish will and ways? Perhaps my brokenness was what it took for me to spring forth the flood of the Spirit, both to refresh the vessel and the crop.
God, please make me useful, not to just pat the dying on the head for a moment as they pass by; but to love them to You, to rescue them from perishing, to tip myself in the direction of their need and pour out Your hope and redeeming love.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “New Vision For A Sculptor”:
“The whole experience was so beautiful that I was thrilled by it, and a thing Mother had said years before when I had come home drunk and she had seen me, came to my mind. The only time that she ever broke down and wept was that night. She said, ‘This must be somehow good. This cannot be all negative. Some good must come of it.’ Mother had been dead two years.
“Toward the end of my first A.A. evening, I heard about the Twelfth Step where, as an alcoholic and having gone through the experience, I might be able to reach some other poor alcoholic where doctors, medicine, science and religion by themselves, had failed. Immediately, ‘That’s somehow good,’ came to my ear. Thank God I have been able to turn it into ‘Somehow good.’”
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.
‡ From “Our Invitation to You” out of Overeater’s Anonymous: “The OA recovery program is patterned after that of Alcoholics Anonymous. We use AA’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, changing only the words ‘alcohol’ and ‘alcoholic’ to ‘food’ and ‘compulsive overeater.’”