I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
A day like yesterday would have sent me to the pantry for sure in the old days, but I found myself turning loose of my plans and rolling with what came off the reel. Not only did it free me to positively participate in what pieces of togetherness my wife and I could muster, but I got to spend time out with my daughter as well. It was two Valentine’s Day dates in one day! (Or “Single Awareness Day” as my daughter calls it.)
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“By attending OA meetings, calling other OA members, reading, writing, and working the Steps, I became teachable and put myself in a set of circumstances that signaled the undeniable need for an external greater power.”
What I lacked was the awareness that I was still in need of rescue from myself. Going to meetings, talking and listening to other recovering compulsive eaters, I discovered that, while I had claimed God, I hadn’t let Him claim me. Today He has all of me, and I ask that He will continue to show me more ways in which I can shave off a little more of my selfishness in preference for His will.
From Proverbs 15:
Oh, how many times I heard all the healthy things I should do, and the things I shouldn’t eat, but I ignored them all, and fired several doctors for incessantly harping on me to lose weight. I was convinced I couldn’t, wouldn’t, or wasn’t deserving enough to do the things it took to balance the scales in a healthy range. Only now do I realize that the pleas of those who once annoyed me were the cries of my Creator calling out for me to stop harming myself. He has made it clear by any number of means that His best intentions for me are life, and that more abundant.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Luke 9:
“When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, 2 and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. 3 He told them: ‘Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic.’”
Jesus sends the apostles out on sort of an internship mission, and as He does, He teaches them a valuable lesson: that of God’s provision. They took nothing with them, yet wanted for nothing. When they came back, they were excited to share all the miraculous things that were accomplished, but there was no mention of any going without, no need unmet. God is teaching me this, as I am on my mission here. He will always provide for me. I have nothing to fear, nothing about which to worry. He will continue to provide as He has for the birds of the air, as He did for His disciples, and as He does for me today.
“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68:
“For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.”
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.