I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
In a few hours I will be at the cardiologist’s lab, sweating on a treadmill, while technicians take ultrasound pictures of my heart, arteries, and blood vessels. We are trying to figure out why this formerly fat, hypertensive guy is now hypotensive, ruling out blockages, deformities and the like with a stress echocardiogram. I’m not worried about it, but am curious to see if there will be an explanation or not. God knows what the trouble is and is capable of fixing it; and it will be interesting to discover whether He will clue the medical professionals into it, or if it will remain a mystery.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“Unconscious eating is one of the ways I express my lack of conscious contact with God. Eating is a habit and a compulsion.”
I remember when every television commercial was a call to the refrigerator, and the inside of my pantry must have thought I was a cuckoo as often as I peeked in on it. There is nothing so satisfying as a relationship with God, and nothing can block that relationship so thoroughly as self-indulgence. Ironic to me is how many people I talk to, who are inquisitive about my healthy changes, are fully aware that what they want and feel they deserve is what prevents them from the health they desire. “I just could never give up ____ !” they exclaim, and they turn to walk in their self-gratifying way, convinced I’m the one who’s nuts for living the way I do. Food is fuel for the body, and the body is the conveyance of the spirit. I tend to my vehicle in ways that best honor the nature of the spiritual passenger.
From Proverbs 7:
This urgent plea to avoid even the notions and motions of the seductress comes with a graphic warning. I believe there is a spiritual death that comes as a result of passionate indulgences such as Proverbs 7 describes. The crafty temptress lies in wait for the innocent youth and drips honey in his ear until his downfall is consummated at the end of a returning husband’s arrow. Certainly the one seeking to devour the innocent knows well the mechanism of the trap he is laying and laughs even when we narrowly escape. I want to live in such a way, not just to be safe from my enemy, but to remain in constant communion with the Spirit who sustains, provides for, guides, and loves me.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Luke 1:
“30 But the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31 You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.’”
The angel Gabriel brought messages to both Zechariah and to Mary in this chapter, foretelling the arrival of John the Baptist and the One for whom he would prepare the way, Jesus the Anointed One, the Son of God and Son of Man, Immanuel, God with us. As Zechariah put it:
“74 to rescue us from the hand of our enemies,
and to enable us to serve him without fear
75 in holiness and righteousness before him all our days.”
Thank You, Holy Father, for orchestrating Your righteousness here on earth where I may sample it. Help me to live within it, in alignment with and obedience to You, so that I may not bring shame on the Name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Guide me to Your will and empower me to do it, in Christ’s name I pray. Amen!
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 14:
“There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had ever known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through.”
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.