Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I failed to mention it over the weekend, but Friday at the gym my body would not keep up with the routine.  I began to suspect that it was weakened due to illness (the symptoms of which are much harder to detect than when I was habitually unhealthy), but this was later confirmed when I began coughing and sneezing, and again yesterday when the gym routine again humbled me to admit something is definitely wrong.   I could do but ten minutes of my normal fifteen minute warm-up before turning dizzy, the elliptical machine felt as though it had been lubricated with peanut butter, and the weights felt as though someone else were sitting on them!  Surely it is time to get some rest!

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Clearly a power greater than ourselves had to be found if we were to be restored to sanity.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 12

Today, I feel like the Hobbit who wrote the book titled “There and Back Again” because I’ve made several trips on the road from sanity and back today.  It is noteworthy that each day I experience this has one thing in common: I preempted some part of my spiritual connection time for something else.

I am looking back at a day almost complete, somewhat helpful, but in no way harmless.  I sped to a helping opportunity but hurt the emotionally fragile wife of the man I was going to help.  I eventually ended up on the floor of their garage, trying to accomplish a dirty task.  I didn’t humble myself on my knees in prayer this morning, but I later had to clean up a backed up toilet.  I was busy trying to care for a sick pet and get her to the doctor, and ended up cleaning muck from the bottom of the pet cage.  The common theme here is that when I don’t voluntarily humble myself before the Orchestrator of the universe, my circumstances humiliate me, sometimes in ways that are crappier than other.  Finding my Higher Power and connecting with Him has proven to be the single most important thing in my life.  I need to do it daily, but not just daily – continually.  (1 Thessalonians 5:17)    My sanity depends on it.  …Clearly!

 

 

From Proverbs 5:

She gives no thought to the way of life;
her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.”

It occurs to me that the temptress and the habitually indulgent are not always to blame; sometimes they are completely clueless to the part they are playing in the spiritual war for my soul.  My Higher Power, Jesus Christ, prayed for the people who hung Him on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)  I recently heard a preacher suggest that we need to follow that example of forgiveness – to bless, forgive, and intercede in the face of even the most torturous harm.  The clueless wayward traveler doesn’t know they are lost, and many a sick addict doesn’t realize s/he is spiritually infirmed.  Until we force ourselves to take a look at our path, we might not ever have recognized we were going the wrong way.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Mark 15:

17 They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. 18 And they began to call out to him, “Hail, king of the Jews!” 19 Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him.20 And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him.”

What could I possibly endure that I cannot say, “Forgive them!” when Christ was willing to forgive those who crucified Him, and those for whom He was crucified, including me?

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85:

“Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. ‘How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.’”

 

 

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

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