I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
I am relieved to be going back to work. The long weekend with family was getting too long, and I was just becoming miserable watching the lives retreat into their own little isolation cells, each intimately involved with their individual laptops and personal headsets. Family time is not what it should be! And I do not believe that’s just selfish expectations talking.
It’s a busy Tuesday morning with back-to-work routine and standard service opportunity. I’ve got to jet!
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“By trying to control others through manipulation and direct force, we had hurt loved ones. When we tried to control ourselves, we wound up demoralized. Even when we succeeded, it wasn’t enough to make us happy.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 5
This doesn’t get better unless Steps Eight and Nine work together with Three, which has its basis in One. The problem for me is I don’t give living my amends the same weight as I do my abstinence. If I would live mercifully rather than try to pound my “proven experience” into those around me, I would better live out all of the Twelve Steps. My Higher Power prefers mercy over sacrifice; this means I had better learn to give at least as much attention to living my amends as I do giving up sugar, flour and snacks!
From Proverbs 22:
“24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,
do not associate with one easily angered,
25 or you may learn his ways
and get yourself ensnared.”
What if the hot-tempered man was one you could not have avoided, like a close relative from whom you learned many other things? Un-ensnaring oneself may be more involved than just refusing to befriend him. I have many mental tapes to unwind and much to lay down before I will be free of the hot-tempered man I have become. I’m a chip of the old, crusty, hateful block.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Mark 2:
“9 ‘Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? 10 But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…’ He said to the paralytic, 11 ‘I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.’”
I believe the answer to Christ’s question was reverse from what His audience was thinking. Certainly to say the man’s sins were forgiven would be simple, but for it to truly be so, the one speaking had better be God. The healing of his body was, I believe, just to get the attention of the human eyes witnessing the God before them. Wouldn’t it be nice to celebrate the greater miracle of forgiveness like I’m sure this man celebrated his liberation from immobility?
“17 On hearing this, Jesus said to them, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.’”
I couldn’t pass this up. I just love that Christ came for the imperfect; it makes me feel included!
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 58:
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.”
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.