I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time. †
Happy New Day! The only difference between this new day and any other is that this one is on a new calendar. Still, the custom is to welcome the whole year at once and, I suppose, offer some commitment of some kind. Since I have not perfected last years’ resolution, I am going to recommit to it. It is one word: INTEGRITY. I will strive to collect all my pieces and parts and submit them to God in the hope that He would make me one whole man with one spirit. That the carnal man within me might become a memory, and that the Spirit of God would be woven into the fabric of my being to the exclusion of the self-serving one that was there before. Integrity means one, it means whole, undivided. I wish to be free of the duplicity that plagues humankind, to be always Dr. Jekyl and never Hyde, to slay the beast and live a life of beauty, to creep the last time from the shadows into the light, to consistently behave as I believe. Having been two men has fractured my soul and twisted my mind. I wish to be one, whole individual, under God!
Happy New Year to you and yours, dear reader! May this year find you and me more solidly who God wants us each to be.
From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:
“We admitted we were powerless over food—that our lives had become unmanageable.” — Step One
The illusory nature of the concept of control should make it obvious that those of us for whom food is a problem are powerless over its allure. Control is as vaporous as steam, impossible to grasp, especially when it comes to food and the compulsive eater. The good news is that there is One who has power and control over the elements, over the dimensions of time and space, and over all the universe. A relationship with this Higher Power, who chose to call Himself “the LORD your God” (Exodus 3:14-15), unlocks that power to transform. The same Creator who changes wormy little caterpillars into butterflies, can and will make a hopeless, desperate, burdened night-crawler into a purpose-filled, empowered, beautiful creature of Light. All that is required is to recognize we are powerless, that we need that relationship with this Powerful One, and to turn our will and our lives over to His care.
From Proverbs 1:
“32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill them,
and the complacency of fools will destroy them;
33 but whoever listens to me [Wisdom] will live in safety
and be at ease, without fear of harm.”
Waywardness is the end result of multiplicity. Like shattered glass, when I am fractured in pieces, I go all different directions, pursuing too many priorities at once. The integrity I seek is the kind that follows after one voice, that of Wisdom, the guiding part of God’s will. Complacency compromises. It goes wherever the currents drive it, finding the paths of least resistance along the whims of the fancy of its nearby contemporaries. I want nothing do to with it! Today, I collect my scattered will and lofty lusts, and I submit them at the feet of Jesus, my One Hope, my One Desire.
From my reading through the Bible, currently in Matthew 9:
“12 …Jesus said, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[Hosea 6:6] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.’”
Jesus’ demonstration of power, authority and compassion continued in this chapter. This time He added His authority to forgive sin, which outraged some. Then, as though it were a greater thing to make a man walk, He established His authority over the cells and structures of man by healing a paralytic who had been brought to Him by his friends. Interestingly, Christ credited the healings of this chapter to the faith of the parties involved:
- To the hemophiliac woman in verse 22, “Your faith has healed you.”
- To the pair of blind men who called Him “Lord” and “Son of David”, “According to your faith will it be done to you.” (v. 29)
- And because Jesus saw the faith of his friends, He said to the paralytic, both, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven,” and, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” (vs. 2, 6)
Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary says concerning this event, “Sin may be pardoned, yet the sickness not be removed; the sickness may be removed, yet the sin not pardoned: but if we have the comfort of peace with God, with the comfort of recovery from sickness, this makes the healing a mercy indeed.”
God who heals body, soul, and spirit, I believe that You can and will make me whole. I offer You my sick, broken life, and I submit to Your perfect will. Resurrect me, revive me with the breath of Your Spirit, and restore me to Your design, as I detach myself from what wove me into the fabric of this world, roll it up like a mat, and follow You. I thank You for the loving mercy You have shown me by comforting me with the recovery from compulsive eating and the new peace with You, and I look forward to Your continued work in me.
From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 88:
“We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. ‘Faith without works is dead.’”
*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.
† For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.