emerging to light - caveAbstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

One of the several fears that has hounded me of late has been a global one, that the world of mankind is celebrating the birth of Emmanuel, “God with us,” without allowing God to live with and in them.  Who celebrates the birthday of a person they refuse to know?  Answer: way too many!    Christmas is NOT family; it is NOT feasting; it is NOT dreams and wishes decorated in tinsel and lights, though it is often commemorated by and with those things.  Christmas is God’s gift of Himself to a world at odds with Him, the means to personal relationship with our Creator.  Why celebrate the gift and yet refuse to accept it?

Smaller scale, different verse, same tune: my wife loves me, and I know she loves me; yet fear, frustration, and past resentments all swirl together in a flurry of emotional obstruction to that love, and the end result is fearful doubt.  I doubt she loves me; I fear she will leave.  Fear of rejection and abandonment is, I am told, the first fear a human being learns, but that doesn’t make it right.  I have dismissed this fear hundreds of times, laying it at God’s feet, and yet I sometimes pick it up again.  It makes no sense to celebrate a love and yet refuse to accept it.  When will I stop repeating this same mistake?

To know better and yet act according to something else is the duplicity that robs me of the abundant life God intends for me.  I know that full well.  In times like this, I pray similar to the demoniac’s father in Mark 9:24, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  I am willing; help me overcome my unwillingness!  I do love; help me overcome my selfishness!

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“The Twelfth Step invites us to continue the journey one day at a time for the rest of our lives. We need to keep moving forward in recovery, keep developing our spiritual consciousness, if we are to remain spiritually awake and fully alive.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 100

Today is 12-12-12, and I guarantee that won’t happen again in my earthly life.  My local intergroup is doing a special “Twelfth Step Within” workshop today in commemoration of the date, and thousands of weddings are taking place apparently in hopes that even the dullest of husbands might remember the date.

The words “spiritually awake and fully alive” call out to me, right along with the term of consistency before them, “remain.”  Twelve is a number of completeness.  So 12-12-12 might be a great day to decide to make a change, to turn a corner, to start something new.  Today’s VOR contributor writes, “Each day I need to remember that this journey I’m on is full of hope and life. If I stay on its path, my Higher Power will lead me forward.”  Wouldn’t today be a great day to start over, to complete the past and begin again?

 

From Proverbs 12:

25 An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.”

Whatever body weight we could possibly gain or lose cannot compare with the weight of an anxious heart.  What a power we wield when we lift up the spirit of another person with encouragement!

28 In the way of righteousness there is life;
along that path is immortality.”

Living in alignment with God’s will, rather than the corruption of self-will, brings the abundant life for which we were created.  I choose God!

God I hurt, but You heal.

I am small, but You are infinite.

I am weak, but You are strong.

I am afraid, but You conquer all.

I am frail, but You protect.

I am empty, but You fulfill.

I am corrupt, but You are holy.

I am lonely, but You are with me.

I am human, but You are God.

I am incapable of reaching You, but You came to me.

I am Yours, because You are mine!

 

 

From my reading through the Bible,” currently in Habakkuk  2 and 3:

2:19 Woe to him who says to wood, ‘Come to life!’
Or to lifeless stone, ‘Wake up!’
Can it give guidance?
It is covered with gold and silver;
there is no breath in it.
20 But the Lord is in his holy temple;
let all the earth be silent before him.”

It is complete futility to give myself, my energy, trust, hope, or resentments to the created things.  It is the Creator only who can make me whole.  He employs me to steward some of the created things, but it is service to Him that makes them flourish.   Regardless of the circumstances of feast or famine, I will serve the Lord!

3:17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.”

 

 

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 25:

“The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.”

 

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

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