Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I appreciate all the care in the concerned emails about my lack of commentary the last few days.  Honestly, I’ve been in a kind of blue funk for over a week, but the fog is lifting.  While fumbling about, I thought it best to keep quiet.  “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent.” (Proverbs 17:28)   Besides, if I’m off track it’s best no one was following me.  When I am lost, I’ll let the writings do the talking.

In my journal over the past week I wrote what I would not confess here, and that is that fear had gripped me.  Fear crept into my thinking regarding health, relationships, my economic security, my professional reputation, even my recovery fellowship.  I am not promised freedom from trouble, but I am promised a relationship with the Victor over them.  “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)  I have to choose to live in the promise and not the peril.

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Looking forward, I see only mists and cannot make out where the road leads. This road leads to something beyond my understanding. Yet I am not afraid of what the mists hide. I have learned from experience that the most joyous thing in my life is my commitment to the OA journey of recovery.”

Most of the time, I can say this is true.  I just got a little turned around in the haze there for a while.

From Proverbs 11:

The integrity of the upright guides them,
but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.”

Of all things, I want to be of one mind, one spirit.  This being of two worlds, the spirit and the earth, tears me up.  I haven’t been thoroughly sacrificing the flesh.  If I had, the war between the two would not have been so tumultuous these last days.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

From my reading through the Bible,” currently in Habakkuk  1:

“Habakkuk’s Complaint

How long, O Lord, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, ‘Violence!’
but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.”

Yes, that!  But Sunday’s a’comin’!

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68:

“We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

“Perhaps there is a better way—we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.”

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

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