Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

There is an issue in my home group that will hopefully be resolved once and for all tomorrow at a meeting I cannot attend.  It has me more riled up than I would like to admit something a day away could.  Other things are piling on me at the same time, like getting cleared from medical restrictions at work without causing harm to myself, getting back to the gym after protecting my wound from such a bacteria-infested environment, returning to work tomorrow without having done so many of the household chores I normally do on my days off, and selling a car I need to unload quickly to avoid paying insurance on two, not to mention the stressful compromise it was to finance the purchase of the second car.  Perhaps it was this turmoil that made me lapse into an attempt to control the driver of a car in which I was riding last night.  Maybe it was the shame of having done it or the fear that I will never be free of this confounded habit that made me retreat into self-pity, isolation, hate, and despair, where I laid and slept all night.  I got up this morning with a lot of it still on me, and I’m having a hard time shaking it off.

 

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Our program tells us that through ‘the process’ of working the Steps daily, sanity and abstinence will be found. We who have followed that process for a time, and then became distracted from it, have found that sanity and abstinence are hard to maintain without it.”

How far must I be distracted from this process in order to find this to be true?  How forcefully will my defiance require God to correct me?  If I am going to live a relapse-free recovery, I am going to have to be a quick learner!  I choose rather to be humble than to be humiliated.

 

 

 

From Proverbs 16 (NKJV):

The texts of the Proverbs today were timely!  It’s hard to think of myself as an abomination.  Something has to change!

Everyone proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord;
Though they join forces,[a] none will go unpunished.”

18 Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before a fall.
19 Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly,
Than to divide the spoil with the proud.”

 

 

 

 

From my reading through the Bible,” currently in Daniel 9:

Daniel’s prayer in this chapter is one of my favorites, along with those of Jonah 2, John 17, Psalms 22, and many of the other Psalms.  Given a vision of the desolation of God’s temple, Daniel was moved to pray.

“We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. 19 O Lord, listen! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, hear and act!”

An answer came, not in getting what he asked, but in the form of explanation of the reason for the delay.  God was giving rebellious man a chance to rid himself of his stubbornness.  The time between God’s promise and His revelation is not because He needs time, but because we urgently need to grow.

24 Seventy ‘sevens’[c] are decreed for your people and your holy city to finish[d] transgression, to put an end to sin, to atone for wickedness, to bring in everlasting righteousness, to seal up vision and prophecy and to anoint the most holy.[e]

This is not a chance to “get it out of our system” as if we had many E-tickets of sin left to spend, but to mature in righteousness, to let go of the character defects that drag us backward, and to reach with unending dissatisfaction for higher living, until that Day when it is finally granted.

Oh, God!  Make me better worthy, not because I am worthy, but because You are worth my wanting to become so.  I will never be anything but what You have made.  Make it clean and presentable to You, and in the meantime make it useful to Your purposes in this world of imperfection.

 

 

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62:

“Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

In order to shed light on the old truths from a different angle and exercise my willingness with a little change, I switched from using the New International Version (NIV or “NIV1984”) to the New King James Version (NKJV) just for this month’s reading of Proverbs.  

Advertisements