Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I’ve got an early appointment today, with contention built into the nature of it.  I am resting in the knowledge that I am a minister of God, and submitted to His will.  Whether the outcomes are in my favor or not, I concede all to the will of the Heavenly Father.

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“I have proven to myself that when I abstain, it is easier the next time. I strengthen the habit of abstinence. If I eat compulsively, I strengthen my compulsion.”

I have heard the neuropathways of the human brain described as a fresh mound of dirt.  The first time we have stress or trauma is like the first rain on that dirt pile.  The water is free to travel down the sides in any pattern.  But the second rain is forced to travel down the sides of the dirt pile in the channels dug by the previous water drops, and digs them deeper so that the following rains have no choice, no matter how violent they become.   It takes something drastic to change a weather-conditioned dirt pile like an addict’s brain, something like a recovery program that completely rebuilds the dirt pile from the ground up, like a front-end loader with a new scoop.  If I reinforce only the desirable channels, abstinence has a chance.  When I let the water drizzle in a compulsive path, I am setting myself up for a repeat of what I already had – insanity.

God puts before me a choice of life or death and recommends, “Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:19I choose life!

 

 

 

 

From Proverbs 11 (NLT):

17 Your kindness will reward you,
but your cruelty will destroy you.”

“19 Godly people find life;
evil people find death.”

More confirmation of the choice between life and death!  The lack of middle ground can be disheartening to a self-will addict, because that is where we lived.  Moving our will and our lives under alignment with God’s will meant severing ourselves from our old way of living in the gray areas, where we had made our homes deluding ourselves with our less-gray-than-somebody-else status.  Now we are on equal footing with all other humans, completely unable to please God by ourselves.

Oh what liberty!  Thank You, God, for grace!  May I live gratefully to honor it and its Giver, Jesus Christ!

 

 

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Ezekiel 10 and 11:

The Great Restorer gave Ezekiel a vision of the Heavenlies and of Jerusalem and the wickedness going on there.  As He showed Ezekiel the death of Israel’s leaders, he made a promise to the repentant which translates through the generations to me and you, dear reader:

“11:19 I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.”

The One who made flesh from clay still rebuilds calloused minds and hearts!  Complete surrender is the only option.  It is the option with promise!

 

 

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 58:

“Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.”

 

 

 

 

Footnotes:

*Abstinence began for me on May 11th, 2010.

For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.

In order to get a fresh perspective, I switched from using the New International Version (NIV or “NIV1984”) to a version I have not used before, the New Living Translation (NLT), just for this month’s reading of Proverbs.  I normally avoid switching, because it confuses my attempts at memorization, but I thought it might shed light on the old truths from a different angle and exercise my willingness with a little change.

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