Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Take the time to enjoy your meals. You deserve it.” — A Commitment to Abstinence, p. 4

These are tricky words for me.  I am permitted to enjoy my food, but I no longer eat for the purpose of enjoying it.  If I find that I am eating anything for the joy of the experience, I identify that food as problematic for me.  So to encourage myself to enjoy my meal is to oil up the slope and invite me onto it.  The advice to take my time, however, is exceptionally good advice.  The harm I have done myself by rushing my eating begs amends to my digestive system.  To properly fuel my body takes time – in the store, in the kitchen, and at the table.  The investment I make in thoughtfully making provision for my successful abstinence will pay off in sanity, recovery, and health.  Taking it easy and chewing my food has its health benefits too, according to nutrition science.

The thought that I deserve anything is also a tempting notion.  When I ate uncontrollably it was because I thought I deserved a treat or didn’t deserve health, or that I would never deserve the good things so I might as well have cake.  Or, here’s one: I was already fat, so I deserved to eat what fat people eat!  “Deserve” has no business in my plan of eating, because it is an emotional word of perception and teeters on too many variables.  My way is not the only way, but perhaps the phrase “I’m worth it!” communicates the value intended without planting the seed thought of reward and punishment.  I regularly rehearse my value as seen through the eyes of my Higher Power, and I celebrate that at each meal, because He not only gives me beautiful, healthy things, but He is making me into one.

 

 

From Proverbs 26:

11 As a dog returns to its vomit,
so a fool repeats his folly.”

We, in recovery circles, are fond of quoting Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I hear the echo of that definition in this verse.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Jeremiah 45:

This short, five-verse chapter confused me.  As I read it, a scribe copying Jeremiah’s dictation began to whine about his condition.  God spoke a word especially for him through Jeremiah.  That gesture alone speaks to me about God’s care for His servants.  His Word is not just for kings but for scribes too.

The word spoken was a reminder that all of God’s work was about to be plucked up and rooted out.  With that in mind, God reminded Baruch the scribe that, if even God doesn’t get His own way all the time, he was no one to be pushy about getting his way.  Still, he promised Baruch that his life would be its own reward.

“Baruch, this is what the Lord says: ‘I will destroy this nation that I built. I will uproot what I planted. Are you seeking great things for yourself? Don’t do it! I will bring great disaster upon all these people; but I will give you your life as a reward wherever you go. I, the Lord, have spoken!’”  (NLT)

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62:

“God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”

 

(For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.)

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