Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I feel as though I owe an apology for bleeding on the blog the other day, but then again, this is my journal and to hide or deny the negative will make me sick again.  It is much better to be honest about my emotions and my recovery from them.

I realized that I had over-planned my speech.  Even while I was writing it, the Scripture, “…do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say…” came to mind, but I dismissed it in preference for my duty to be prepared.  I felt justified in the dismissal because the verse literally addressed arrested Christians standing trial under persecution, and I was clearly not one of those.  After my speech, when I was visibly disturbed, my sponsor took me aside and reminded me of the importance of allowing room for God to wiggle in.  He said if God hadn’t wanted me to go by my “script” He would have intervened, killing the power to my laptop or destroying my document.  But He didn’t, so there must have been something in that speech that someone needed to hear.  God’s purposes were served, regardless of how I felt.   In the future, he recommended, allow room for the Spirit to show up and speak.  I got the message, especially when I heard the same message from three others.

I realized that, by planning every syllable, I ran the risk of Edging God Out.  What an EGO!



From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“…find a sponsor who has what you want, and ask that person how he or she is achieving it.” — The Tools of Recovery, p. 4

I can’t do alone what I’ve never done alone before.  To try something new, I need a new perspective, from someone who has done what they recommend and made it work.



From Proverbs 24:

for waging war you need guidance,
and for victory many advisers.”

Here is confirmation of my need to stay out of isolation.  Cocooning is not a good idea for a compulsive overeater trying to wage war on his disease, especially when he is trying to share what he has with others!



From my reading through the Bible, currently in Jeremiah 44:

Why provoke me to anger with what your hands have made, burning incense to other gods in Egypt, where you have come to live? You will destroy yourselves and make yourselves an object of cursing and reproach among all the nations on earth.”

The Judean refugees in Egypt were fitting in to the polytheistic culture of their hosts, and had begun burning incense to the “Queen of Heaven.”  Though warned in graphic detail of their coming demise should they refuse to turn from these ways, they were adamant in their preference for their way, not God’s.  Jeremiah accepted their final answer and pronounced God’s judgment on them all, a sure disaster for them and their host at the hands of an invading force, just as Babylon had overtaken Judah.

Forbid it, Lord, that my rebellion should cut me off from You.  Remove my defects, that my relationship with You would be uninhibited, and that You may be glorified, not me.  Make my way secure, that those who follow might not stumble.  Keep me in Your grace, for anywhere else is destruction for me.  Thank You for my freedom!  Keep me from abusing it so I might not lose it.



From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, from “The Professor and the Paradox:

“Says he, ‘We A.A.s surrender to win; we give away to keep; we suffer to get well, and we die to live.’”

“My story is not a great deal different from others—except in a few specific details. All the roads of alcoholism lead to the same place and condition. I suppose I have always been shy, sensitive, fearful, envious, and resentful, which in turn leads one to be arrogantly independent, a defiant personality. I believe I got a Ph.D. degree principally because I wanted to either outdo or defy everybody else. I have published a great deal of scholarly research—I think for the same reason. Such determination, such striving for perfection, is undoubtedly an admirable and practical quality to have, for a while; but when a person mixes such a quality with alcohol, that quality can eventually cut him almost to pieces. At least it did so to me.”



(For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.)