Abstinent Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“For a compulsive overeater, eating is attached to emotions. We are never fully satisfied, no matter how much we eat, because we are eating for emotional reasons rather than physical reasons.” — A Plan of Eating, p. 9

What we cannot seem to stop is what we feel like.  Before I was abstinent, I ate what I felt like eating.  Abstinence is the disconnection between what I feel like and what I do (eat).  Unfortunately for me, what I felt like was pouring compensation for my wounded emotions down my gullet.  Only when I sever the connection between feel like and action can I gain any sense of sanity or serenity to make clear, healthy decisions about what I am willing to do as I continually submit to a grander purpose, a loftier intellect, and a much greater power than I – the Highest Power, that is God.   He brings the good nature of His will concerning my food to me in many forms: health articles, doctor visits, nutrition education, conversations with my fellows, diligent study, and even the words of the Bible itself.  As I learn about “cleaner” ways to eat, I find myself willing to make appropriate refinements to my plan of eating, because what I want, wish, or feel like has no say in the creation of this plan.

My tongue, palette and stomach will never be satisfied, any more than my self-pity, remorse, or anxiety, so it is up to me to disengage their control of my eating.  The secret to letting go is simply this: God’s way works better anyway, so I’m not really giving up anything.  Surrender is, rather, an unlocking of the great things of His Magnificent Spirit in my physical world.

From Proverbs 10:

He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son,
but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.”

This verse struck me for two reasons, but they are tied together.  In the wake and vane of the VOR entry today, I considered that the slothful, “he who sleeps during harvest,” is very much the culprit of the same behavior, preferring what he feels to what he knows.  Now, as if this verse didn’t already needle me with the reminder that “sloth” is on my character defect list, the word of the Wise concerning this defect is “disgrace.”  Worse yet, the stigma attaches directly to the person, “a disgraceful son.”  The term makes me shudder!  If one plus one still equals two, then the one who does what he wants to do rather than what he knows he is responsible to do is a disgrace to the Father who designed him.

Oh, dear, high and awesome God, Father of all, make me a prudent son!  Instruct and empower me to do the right action according to the right season and circumstance.  May I bring You honor and not shame all the days of my life, and may I never cause any one of Your precious children to stumble.

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Jeremiah 36 and 37:

I think the overwhelming thought after reading Chapter 36 was that God’s offer for another chance is generous and unconditional, but it expires.  Here, Jeremiah is given orders to have all the words of the Lord written down on a scroll and presented to the king of Judah one more time in hopes that Israel will repent if given one more chance (again).

Perhaps when the people of Judah hear about every disaster I plan to inflict on them, each of them will turn from his wicked way; then I will forgive their wickedness and their sin.”

But King Jehoiakim would have none of it, and instead cut pieces of the scroll off as it was read to him and had each piece burned in a firepot until the whole thing was gone, and with it God’s hope for restoration was destroyed on the flames of the will of man.

God had Jeremiah replace the burned scroll, and its second contained a new curse.

30 Therefore, this is what the Lord says about Jehoiakim king of Judah: He will have no one to sit on the throne of David; his body will be thrown out and exposed to the heat by day and the frost by night. 31 I will punish him and his children and his attendants for their wickedness; I will bring on them and those living in Jerusalem and the people of Judah every disaster I pronounced against them, because they have not listened.’”

In Chapter 37, the details of the transition are omitted, but can be found in 2 Kings 24 and 2 Chronicles 36.  In short, the king of Judah was replaced by his brother (even though we read elsewhere that his son reigned for three months in between).  Jeremiah was arrested as a traitor and imprisoned.  When he had an appointment before the king, he did not buckle, though he was convinced that to return to prison would be his death (verse 20).  When asked by the king for a word from the Lord, Jeremiah was faithful to deliver his message.

17b Jeremiah replied, ‘you will be handed over to the king of Babylon.’”

God, King of kings, make me faithful to You regardless of circumstance, pain, or the distraction of feelings, fear or folly.  Give me a heart of integrity, and keep me fastened to You, in the provision of Your will, empowered by Your Spirit, Immanuel Invisible.  Amen!  (Prayer references: Psalms 51:10-12, Psalms 86:11, and Isaiah 26:3)

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62:

“This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”

(For the sake of accountability, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.)

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