I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

What is it about being sick that makes one so self-absorbed?  Perhaps weakness and discomfort initiates the fight or flight response of the sympathetic nervous system.  Possibly I’m difficult to live with because the blood has left the problem-solving and relationship-maintaining centers of my brain to rally to the parts of my body that are inflamed.  I might unconsciously expect someone to mother me when I am sick, as Mother did when I was little, and the disappointment of finding no one there to help causes me emotional turbulence.  It is conceivable that I was struck ill so that I would have extra time to pray and, since I haven’t been praying with that extra time, I am suffering the consequences of stepping out of alignment with God.  Likely it is all of those things wrapped around each other.  Maybe I’ll stop doing everyone else’s chores and go back to bed and pray!

My youngest child turns twenty today.  I have to be on alert for disappointment.  It is on occasions such as this when I get anxious about things not going according to my plan.  To prepare for this, I have left the plans to the emerging youth, and offered simply to foot the bill.  He chose the restaurant and the time.  I plan to be there with credit card in hand, God willing.



From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” — Herman Hesse as quoted in For Today, p. 158

This statement really turned down the heat on my anger pressure-cooker!  When I can calm down enough to inventory the true cause of my frustration, I find the source is invariably me.  It was sobering to Fourth and Fifth-Step my resentments and prove this true every single time.  Even when I dialed down the violence in the word “hate” to something less dramatic, it still didn’t change the fact that, whatever the term of friction, the one doing the rubbing was the same one suffering for it – me.



From Proverbs 22:

He who sows wickedness reaps trouble,
and the rod of his fury will be destroyed.”

When I plant a tomato, I get tomatoes.  When I plant squash, I should not be surprised when peaches don’t blossom on the vine.  When I allow bitterness and selfish discord to rest in my soil, the harvest will be in keeping with that poisonous seed.  My duty, as steward of the life with which God has entrusted me, is to sort out the bitter seeds before they take root in the Master’s garden.  It is a never-ending process, especially given the densely overgrown condition of the lot before I recognized and began correcting my slothful error.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23



From my reading through the Bible, currently in Jeremiah 18:

6 Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand…”

The picture here is of a potter whose work became marred on the wheel, so he made something else out of it “shaping it as seemed best to him” (verse 4).  God’s illustration was that He can and will do likewise, changing His plan for each of us according to our submission or resistance.  Obviously, His perfect will is accomplished when the clay is pliable and moves easily between His fingers.  The slightest resistance, anything less than total submission, results in the compromise of His perfect design.  We, who are recovering from lives lived according to our riotous self-will, can take encouragement from this: that our Creator will be our Re-Creator if we allow Him.

Masterful Potter, find in me the pliable substance that moves according to Your will.  Fashion me after Your design, and may You need to make no concessions for my will, which I exterminate again today.  Form me for Your purpose, fire me to completeness, and engage me according to Your plan.



From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 37 and 40:

“The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off.  Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose final achievement is ruin.”

“It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly.  To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation.  Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower.  We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us.  To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.’s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.”



(For accountability’s sake, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.)