Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more* day at a time.  †

I went back to work two days ago, even though my bronchitis is lingering.  Today is my work-week Friday, so I’ll have more opportunity to rest in the next few days.  I’m still skipping gym workouts and trying to let myself mend, but it is a slow process.

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“When eating compulsively, I’m not present for or in the life I’m passively moving through.”

I’ve been re-watching movies while reclining in the sickbed over the past week.  One of them was Click, a comedy in which Adam Sandler’s character obtains a “universal remote control” and, with it, controls his universe.  He learns that when he is fast-forwarding through life, the version of him that is participating is on “auto-pilot,” never the life of the party, but present.  This is a great representation of the food-medicated compulsive overeater.  I have spent years numbed with food until and unless someone entered my circle of awareness or offended me enough to wake me from my food-coma for a brief fit of rage that eventually settled down into more food and isolation.  Meanwhile the clock rolled on and the calendar pages flipped.  How much life I have missed, doped with food!

I’m happy to be fully living my life now.  My spirit is connected, my head is engaged, and I am experiencing life as it comes in all its fullness, and doing it in a body that has miraculously taken a healthy shape and size.

John 10:10b, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

 

From Proverbs 20:

24 A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.
How then can anyone understand his own way?”

When I read this, I remembered walking behind my dad in the snow when I was a kid.  His big footprints seemed so far apart, but I stretched to step in them and struggled to keep up.  A funny thing happens when someone small follows someone big: his view of what is coming is eclipsed by the one he is following.  Like a child behind his dad, today I cannot see what comes next.  I only trust God to make my way secure.  He will clear my path and make me able; and when I fall, He will lift me up.  I choose to surrender my view in preference for closely following God.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Jeremiah 16:

Jeremiah got the awful task of prophesying the destruction of Jerusalem and the nations of Israel and Judah.  This chapter is subtitled, “The Day of Disaster” in the NIV, and the text spells out wrath and judgment.  Even so, there is promise of deliverance from the foretold exile, as God shows that His mercy accompanies His fury, which is not without purpose: of turning people from their self-centered ways, back to relationship with Him.

12 But you have behaved more wickedly than your fathers. See how each of you is following the stubbornness of his evil heart instead of obeying me.”

21 ‘Therefore I will teach them—
this time I will teach them
my power and might.
Then they will know
that my name is the Lord.’”

Lord God, thank You for teaching me, but by Your grace, reaching through the pain of my lessons to return me to Your side.  Help me to follow faithfully, that those who follow behind me would know Your steps and not mine, and we might be spared the pain of further lessons.  Your strength is all the strength I need, for You are bigger than anything I might encounter.  Oh, Lord, I trust in You, and I’ve never felt safer!

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 4243:

“I have since been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. I would not go back to it even if I could.”

 

(For accountability’s sake, the details of my eating are posted in my online food log.)

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