Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time. *

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“What a relief I get from the literature and wise words of other OAers’ soothing reminders that whatever I’m feeling is perfectly okay.”

I went to a Step meeting last night, one that I haven’t been able to attend in a long while, and there studied Step One, from which I felt even more distantly removed.  As the members of the fellowship read from the “OA 12 & 12” (The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous) and shared their own experience, strength and hope, I was reconnected.  I was soothed with the reminder of what I was, what I am, and what I am becoming.  The description of the disease of compulsive eating fits me, and the promise of recovery finds its completeness in covering that need.  Without the reminders that I am one of many with a very specific affliction to keep me turning to God, I might be tempted to take back the reins of my life.  And that would truly be the most awful scenario imaginable, for “our habitual ways of thinking and acting … got us into the unhealthy, unhappy condition we were in when we came to OA.” (OA 12 & 12, page 6, emphasis mine)

Feeling negative emotions like guilt and shame for having negative emotions like fear, hurt and disappointment, is one of the symptoms of a life run on self-will.  This downward spiral works like a vortex, sucking the life out of our existence, and it is a common characteristic of a compulsive eater.  It is important that I am reminded that, without constant connection to my Higher Power, I will return to such a dysfunctional circuit.  The “soothing reminders” of the fellowship call me away from my feelings and back to my senses, freeing me to feel my feelings without the crippling expectations that I should somehow be exempt from them.  Once I remove perfection from my emotional expectations, I can fear, hurt, and be disappointed without turning to guilt and shame.  I can turn, instead, to forgiveness and relationship, accepting the love God has for me and the fellowship extends to me, and I am once again healed.

 

From Proverbs 7:

1 My son, keep my words
and store up my commands within you.”

I need to read and re-read, listen and hear again, mind and be reminded the realities of my condition and the promises of recovery.  I am in a “program of recovery.”  Put another way, I am reprogramming myself for renewal, rebuilding my most basic physical, mental and spiritual function, the primary factor of which it the unchanging value God has given me.  This is in contrast to the diseased way of living which swung violently on a pendulum of emotion, from total superiority to self-loathing and abasement.  It is the spiritual awakening that comes as the result of God’s power in me as I work the Twelve Steps that frees me.  To forget the realities and promises, God’s words and commands for me, would be to lull myself back into the spiritual sleep from which I have emerged.

Precious Savior, keep me awake and alert to Your presence in my life, seeking You, finding You, and remaining connected to Your grace and power.

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Jeremiah 5:

There is a natural draw toward wanting a God created by adding lollipops and gumdrops to our misconceptions of Him.  There is some advantage to whittling away certain harmful misconceptions in order to develop a basic foundation on which relationship can be built.  For instance, if I misunderstand God as a hurler of harm or haphazard harvester of the helpless, I am less apt to trust Him with my life and love.  But if I understand that His perfect ways are not my imperfect ones, and learn to “act as if” He knows what He is doing and has good reasons for it, then I can move forward in my moment, trusting Him for the next one.

God pronounced, through Jeremiah, a judgment against those who pretended there was nothing to fear in our perfect God.  It is important for me to remember that, while relationship is His will, rebellion does not put me in a neutral place, but one of danger, wrath and, if uncorrected, ultimate destruction.  He is careful to explain that His will is for our abundant life in His good providence, and it is our own rebellious choices that have removed us from the perfect condition He intended and set us on a course that required the intervention of grace.

12 They have lied about the Lord;
they said, ‘He will do nothing!
No harm will come to us;
we will never see sword or famine.’ ”

23 But these people have stubborn and rebellious hearts;
they have turned aside and gone away.
24 They do not say to themselves,
‘Let us fear the Lord our God,
who gives autumn and spring rains in season,
who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest.’
25 Your wrongdoings have kept these away;
your sins have deprived you of good.”

God, keep me delicately balanced in Your good, pleasing, and perfect will, recognizing that the stray from it is to fall.

 

From The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, “Step One”:

“As long as we refuse to recognize that we have this debilitating and ultimately fatal disease, we are not motivated to get the daily treatment for it which brings about our recovery. Denial of the truth leads to destruction. Only an honest admission to ourselves of the reality of our condition can save us from our destructive eating.”

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