I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time. *

I am recovering slowly from a moodiness that has no business in the life of one properly grateful, but which has plagued me for several days.  I am trying to forgive myself for being this shade of blue.  There is something warped about feeling guilty for negative feelings.  It seems to be self-perpetuating.   I am praying for God’s portion of peace and sustenance, my “daily bread” to be given in sufficient time and quantity, just as His providence always comes.  Perhaps He will even supply me with enough to share.

From today’s entry in Food for Thought:

“By getting in touch with our Higher Power, we cultivate a never failing source of inner strength and direction. In order to have it available when we need it, this inner voice must be consulted habitually. It is not something which we may call on in times of emergency and forget about when things are going well.”

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“Relapse is not inevitable.” — A Plan of Eating, page 9

Before I came to realization that I, myself, was in need of help, I was in a position of helping others find help.  That is how I came to attend a seminar led by the administrator of a certain recovery hospital.  I remember the laughter of the more experienced in the room when he described theirs as a “relapse optional” program.  He said his hospital did not support the notion that one sometimes hears that the best recovery comes after relapse.  He asserted that relapse was not inevitable, and inspired all treatment professionals in the room to push their clients toward a recovery that was relapse-free.  “Why,” he posed, “should any hospital which expects their clientele to stay sick succeed?”

The night I attended my first OA meeting, I went home with my newcomer packet and found this statement in A Plan of Eating.  My mind raced back to that seminar, and I decided that if I was going to do this 12-Step thing for myself, I would learn from those who had relapsed, and steer far from the paths they had identified as hazardous.  By God’s power and grace, I am working a relapse-free recovery program.  …Even if just for today!


From Proverbs 31:

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.”

The Epilogue of Proverbs describes “The Wife of Noble Character” but, as a member of the Bride of Christ, His Church, I have to ask myself whether, by my life, I have brought Him good and not harm.  How has my example benefitted the Kingdom of God?  Have I, by my self-centered character defects, offended those I should have been serving, repulsing those who needed to be attracted to the Light I allegedly represent?  Does Christ Himself belong on my Step Eight list of “all persons we have harmed”?  I know of no way to make amends to my Creator except to live those amends daily, continually aligning myself between His forgiveness and my forgiveness of others, mirroring His grace from this point forward, striving to bring Him and those He has put around me good, not harm, one day at a time.

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Isaiah 64:

You come to the help of those who gladly do right,
who remember your ways.
But when we continued to sin against them,
you were angry.
How then can we be saved?
All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags…”
“8 Yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.”

“All of us…” and “we are all…” were statements I once read with personal exclusion, as though I was somehow among the elite of sinners, barely dabbling in the shallow end of the pool of the spiritually needy.    I have found that the hardened pots, the ones baked crusty in their own self-righteousness, are least pliable on the Craftsman’s wheel.  It is only in accepting my neediness that I find provision, only in acknowledging my brokenness that the Potter can reshape me, and only in my cries for rescue that the Savior comes to save me from the deep end of my despair.

I am a work in progress, clay being molded in the hand of the Potter, never finished, but already useful for His purpose.  God, continue Your work in me.  You, Who promised, are faithful to complete Your work. (Philippians 1:6)

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 120:

“Though it is infinitely better that he have no relapse at all, as has been true with many of our men, it is by no means a bad thing in some cases.”