Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time.

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“I now have a loving Higher Power and friends to support me. I feel immensely grateful.”

 

The rest of the VOR entry is about each of us doing our part before letting God do His.  In his book, Absolute Surrender, Andrew Murray wrote, “As long as we are something, God cannot be all, and His omnipotence cannot do its full work. That is the beginning of faith—utter despair of self, a ceasing from man and everything on earth, and finding our hope in God alone.”   This statement has better described my experience and the hope I pursue than any thought of doing all I can and letting God take up my leftovers.  In fact, the futility that brought my life such disorder was wrapped up in the notion that I could do anything to bring about my own perfection and the inevitable disappointment this false expectation always brings.

 

I am grateful that, just prior to reading this entry, I read the “Food for Thought” devotion for the day, entitled “Different Strokes” at www.Hazelden.org.  It reminded me that not every recovering compulsive overeater thinks, acts, or recovers in the same way or on the same path.  Tolerance is the umbrella under which I have found my own freedom of expression, and it would not serve my recovery to deny it of others.

 

From Proverbs 2:

12 Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
from men whose words are perverse…”

15 whose paths are crooked
and who are devious in their ways.”

 

What makes a crooked path?  Misguidance?  A faulty compass?  One of the revelations of my personal inventory was that the zig-zagging trail of my life undeniably marked my multiplicity.  I was always frustrated with my lack of progress because I was following after multiple goals.  It’s hard to hit a moving target, and no one can achieve consistent success without first selecting one.  Because of God’s loving discipline, the going is smoother on the fairway, with increasing cuts of rough as we approach life’s boundaries.  Many times I ignored the rough patches, dead-set on pursuing my way, and was deflected back onto the path by varying degrees of impact with God’s obstacles.  God’s perfect will for us, dare I use the off-putting word “holiness,” is a straight target-line, from start to finish, with one goal, one target, an unswerving heading toward which we can drive.

 

This is why the word integrity has become a keystone for me.  Unity of direction, purpose, priority and power is the prescription for the wayward, a remedy for deviation.  Integrity is all my parts and pieces working together, as integral components toward a single, defined, whole end; a one-ness of total being (the very meaning of the word “integer”).  That is what I believe God wants of me and mine, and because of the conformation of my will to His, I want that too.  No more following shadows or fighting against myself.  No more chasing fleeting fantasies or fancy foodstuffs!  The proper play for me is just pausing to adjust alignment, positioning to address my relationship with my Higher Power, and connecting with His purposes in whatever action wherever He leads me.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Psalm 126, 127, and 128:

The New International Version (NIV) of the Bible marks any significant scholarly dispute over translation with annotations so the reader can check alternate interpretations.  Psalm 126:1 has two such interesting mysteries.

When the Lord brought back the captives to[Or Lord restored the fortunes of] Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.[Or men restored to health]”

 

This verse and its semantics suggest a congruity of captivity and deprivation, and the end of that dark state as being a healthy restoration like the dawning of a dream.  I saw the fortunes of my spiritual recovery in this psalm, and celebrate my dream-come-true vitality made possible only by God, who brought me out of my total depletion, twelve steps over into alignment with Him.

 

Psalm 127 identifies the futility of work outside the purpose and means of God:

Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.”

 

As if on concert cue, Psalm 128 pronounces the blessing of those who submit to God’s alignment:

Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
who walk in his ways.”

 

Holy Father, keep me in Your ways.  Lead my by Your hand, and lift me by Your wind.  Guide me gently according to Your will, that I might help, and not hinder, Your purposes.

 

 

From The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68:

“We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.”

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