Today:

I am a recovering compulsive overeater, abstinent by the grace of God one more day at a time.  For details, check out my food journal.

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“At the very first meeting we attended, we learned that we were in the clutches of a dangerous illness, and that willpower, emotional health, and self-confidence, which some of us had once possessed, were no defense against it.” — Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition, p. 1

 

The powerlessness of my will, the emotional imbalance, the lack of self-confidence, and the inflated ego that refused to admit any of these were not only inadequate defenses against my illness, they proved to be at the very heart of it.  That fact, however, took a little longer to learn than I was willing to accept at the very first meeting I attended.  The first night was one of grave discovery, but it was also marked by the hope of deliverance.  While I was convinced that recovering compulsive eaters must be a special kind of crazy for being grateful for a disease just because it pointed them in the direction of their recovery, I could see they were my kind of crazy and that I would fit right in.  The grass certainly did seem greener on their side of the fence!

 

The tact of this statement is probably a main reason it is quoted at many meetings.  It seems to say, “Whatever strength you had coming in here, real or imaginary, still would never have matched our predicament.”  It reminds me that we all come into the rooms at different places.  Some would be overwhelmed with shame at any hint of expectation that they were supposed to have had any confidence, power or health, while many others will have to, through diligent work on the Steps, meticulously disassemble their willful self-assurance.  This statement meets everyone where they are, and assembles them under the meeting tent of powerlessness.  It is a place of equality and acceptance, and I was happy to arrive at such a welcoming place, and grateful to be in such company.

 

 

 

From Proverbs 8:

Listen, for I have worthy things to say;
I open my lips to speak what is right.”

 

How many times have I, in my prideful self-certainty, heard or read with impunity the same words of wisdom on which I have since come to rely so wholeheartedly?  It is staggering to consider the totality of a blindness caused by selfish pride!  From childhood I have been fed words of Wisdom, from which I suppose there is some benefit, for as light dawns on my awakening to them, at least I find them familiar. As Wisdom comes to make her home with me, I hope to develop for her a comfortable place in my soul, and kindle an open relationship marked by my willingness to listen and apply her instruction.  She promises never to deceive me or abandon me, and that is a covenant most relationships do not share.

 

Spirit of Wisdom, I welcome You.  Make Your home with me and guide me according to the Father’s will, in the name of the Son, Jesus Christ.  Amen!

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Psalm 73 and 74:

Book III of the Psalms opens with a psalm of Asaph the Temple music minister in the time of David.  He sings of bitter envy of the wealthy and prideful, and then admits that if he had been outspoken about his resentments they would surely have devoured him, but instead he came into the presence of the Lord and was given understanding that freed him from envy.  The end result of their pride was revealed, and he was able to rest in the assurance of God alone.  Psalm 73 sounds like a familiar story – one like mine.

 

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”

 

The provision and punishment I used to hoard in my cupboards and on my very flesh are of no value when I am truly trusting on God’s daily providence.  He is my counsel, my strength and my portion, everyday always!  Earth has nothing I desire besides You!

 

Psalm 74 is proof that even an appointed minister of the royal priesthood like Asaph can, in desperation, beg the so familiar question, “How long, God?”  Rarely is God’s timing in keeping with man’s expectations.  But what better way to get us out of our expectations than for God to run on His higher clock?  I have been burdened lately with the recognition that when man whines, “How long?” the Spirit who waits for that man to learn the lesson of his current suffering must be equally grieved to wonder the same question.  When I am tempted to ask, “Really! This too I must suffer?” I hope to remember that the One who is re-creating me is patient to spend as much time on me as my stubborn rigidity requires, and submit instead to His careful carpentry.

 

From The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Promoted to Chronic”:

“I feel that I have been restored to health and sanity these past years not through my own efforts nor as a result of anything I may have done, but because I’ve come to believe—to really believe—that alone I can do nothing. That my own innate selfishness and stubbornness are the evils which, if left unguarded, can drive me to alcohol. I have come to believe that my illness is spiritual as well as physical and mental, and I know that for help in the spiritual sphere I have to turn to a Higher Power.”

 

(NOTE: “Promoted to Chronic” appeared in the Second and Third Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous.)

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