Today:

I am abstinent by the grace of God, one more day at a time.  For details, check out my food journal.

 

 

From today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“For most of us, the central factor in this spiritual awakening has been our decision to trust a Higher Power with every aspect of our lives.” — The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 99

 

The phrase “with every aspect of our lives” is the part of that statement that speaks most of my experience, with “trust” a close runner up.  I, like many, had a misconception of God as One who expected a certain set of behaviors and was waiting to punish when they weren’t performed, and I saw my eating as a shameful subset of misbehaviors, but one that was less objectionable than those of the comparatively criminal or amoral.  So I rebelliously guarded these behaviors like a pirate clutching his treasure, never trusting anyone to get too close, preferring to come to harm than to give them up.  When I adjusted my thinking and got my own disappointments out of my value-vision, I began to accept that God values me for an entirely different reason than for how I behave.  This allowed me to loosen my grip on the only other treasure I had, my eating misbehavior.

 

Further introspection revealed that my estimation of the value of others was not only similarly skewed, but equally irrelevant.  People are God’s children and, as such, deserve my care and attention.  When I devalue others with my words, actions, or attitudes, I detract from my own value by association, because my value comes, not from what I look like or from what I have or do, but from Whose I am.  When I keep in mind the reality of that relationship, the second miracle happens: I can trust God to tend to the needs of His child.  I wouldn’t abandon my child in his need, and I am merely human.  I can expect infinitely more of the Master of the Universe!

 

Allowing God to love me has made me better able to love myself and others.  This is the awakening of my spirit and the coming alive of my whole being.

 

 

From Proverbs Chapter 15:

13A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

 

The word “countenance” comes to mind as I read this verse.  Originally derived from the same root as “container,” this word that we now associate with a description of one’s outward appearance, especially of his or her facial expression, actually refers to the contents of one’s being.  What I hold, conceal, or contain, I display.  So it’s true: “When you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it”!   More important is the reality that a heart in pain can suck the life right out of the whole person.  This is the dangerous severity of the need for spiritual awakening.  This heartache that robs the body and soul of its living purpose is a most critical matter that demands emergency attention – the kind of accepting, intensive care one might find in, say, a loving Creator, a twelve-step fellowship, and the Steps themselves.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in Esther 9 and 10:

Esther 9 described the creation of a lasting holiday commemorating the turning of the “lot” against the Jews in their favor.  The word for “lot,” as in a die that is cast to make decisions, especially those concerning one’s fate, was “pur.”  So the holiday was termed “Purim.”  It was marked by jubilation and the exchanging of gifts, in remembrance of the overcoming of the enemies of the Jews and the turning back of their fate.

 

Chapter 10 extolled the honor of Mordecai.  “3 Mordecai the Jew was second in rank to King Xerxes, preeminent among the Jews, and held in high esteem by his many fellow Jews, because he worked for the good of his people and spoke up for the welfare of all the Jews.”  The reason he was esteemed was because he spent himself on others.  Even the king elevated him for his selfless action in reporting a royal assassination conspiracy.  (Esther 2:22)

 

God has turned back the fate to which my behaviors had sentenced me.  Instead of living a life containing a crushed spirit, heartache, and the shame and discontent that surrounded my misbehavior and warped attitude concerning myself and my fellow human beings, I am now freed to appreciate others, to reflect the light of God’s love, and to pour out the abundance of His joy onto those around me.  These two chapters of the Book of Esther represent the wherefore and the what-next of my recovery in that I am now living an every-day celebration of the turning of my fate, and this Purim is both a product of and fuel for my service of others.

 

 

From the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “There is a Solution” page 25:

If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

 

 

OD@aT:

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”  3 John 2

 

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