I am abstinent by the grace of God, one more day at a time.  I am feeling much better today.  I am grateful for my Proverbs 31 wife, who insisted on my making and keeping an appointment with my doctor.  Just about the time I was starting to feel confident in my upturn toward health, the telltale symptoms that my allergy attack had developed into a sinus infection appeared.   I am submitted to doing what I know for health rather than what I feel.  I am further humbled by my doctor’s opinion that if I hadn’t tried to be Superman and actually worn a dust mask while mowing the lawn, this might have been prevented.  A little self-sureness has lasting and devastating effects on me.

 

 

 

From Today’s entry in Voices of Recovery:

“I struggled for years trying to do it myself; making and breaking diets, planning rewards and punishments, setting goals and never reaching them – always failing.

…The results are His, not mine.  Now I’m making a shift from a me-centered life to a God-centered one.”

 

I seek to learn from those who have gone before me largely because, in this program of recovery, I have discovered that I have done a lot of harm to myself and others in failing to stop, look and listen to the pain in the lives around me.  Even when I became aware of the cries of my fellow humans, I often discounted their pain as the sufferings of those lesser than I.  Surely I would not make the same mistakes.  Surely that would never happen to me!  It was the same kind of self-centered thinking that made me believe that God needed my help to change others, and that I belonged in His seat on certain occasions.

 

The contributor to today’s entry introduced this revolutionary liberation with a terrifying confession, “After twenty-one years in OA, I’m beginning to understand Step Two as a ‘process.’”  I had a hard time hearing anything else I read after that.  “Twenty-one years”!?  After a few minutes of reflection, the suffering of this person became real to me, and I realized that if I were not totally honest with myself and the reality of my warped self-centeredness, self-deception would go unrecognized in me too.

 

 

From Proverbs Chapter 1:

22 How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?  How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?”

 

“Twenty-one years”?  I am still just shy of twenty-one months of program recovery.  But the words, “How long” seem to resonate in my currently impacted skull.  My “simple ways” still infect me.  I have proved that fact with my occasional insistence that I do not need this tool or that practice.  Some sick part of me still believes that I am powerful enough to do something on my own.  I thought I could mow the tiny bit of winter growth from my lawn without the doctor-prescribed paper filter over my face, and I suffered immediate consequences.  I sometimes think I can go without a meeting, or without weighing and measuring my food, or without posting an abstinence report to my sponsor, or without calling anyone for a few days in a row.  Too often, I hurry out my door without bending a knee to my Maker, sacrificing my day to His service.  Sooner or later, I discover that I am nearing the edge of the path.  The “rumble-bumps” on the highway alert me to my veering and I, so far, have been faithful to make quick course corrections.  (Thank God!)  I am fearful, though apparently not enough, that my cocksureness will get the best of me one day; that I will fail to feel the rough shoulder nearing my wheels, and will careen off the path to a destructive relapse into the old “simple ways.”  How long will I resist, despise, or “hate” the knowledge that saves me?  I better keep in close contact with God, with my sponsor, with my fellows, and with my recovery program just in case it will be as long as I live in the tent of this body of flesh.

 

 

From my reading through the Bible, currently in 2 Chronicles 14:

 

11 Then Asa called to the Lord his God and said, “Lord, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this vast army. O Lord, you are our God; do not let man prevail against you.

 

Good King Asa was faithful to clean his side of the street. (See verses 2 and 3.)  He tore down all the idols in the country, and turned Judah’s heart back to God.  Even in peacetime, he made provision for his success against attack, fortifying Judah against intrusion and readying the men for defense.   Then when enemies threatened, he relied on God completely, crying out this prayer of humble submission.  My defects and my temptations are a similarly “vast army,” and so I rely on God’s power to “help the powerless against the mighty.”

 

O Lord, you are my God; do not let man, me or any other, prevail against You!

 

 

From The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Salesman”:

I’ve been sober several years, kept that way by submitting my natural will to the Higher Power and that is all there is to it. That submission wasn’t just a single act, however. It became a daily duty; it had to be that. Daily I am renewed in strength and I have never come to the point where I have wanted to say, ‘Thanks, God, I think I can paddle my own canoe now,’ for which I am thankful.

 

 

 

OD@aT    “Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.” – 3 John 2

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