Voices of Recovery:

“True comfort is to be found in the balance and sanity of abstinence.  So deep and pure is this comfort that it is well worth whatever trouble or pain I might have to pass through to attain it.” – For Today, p. 253

When I woke up this morning, I was reminded that I have nothing to fear in whatever the Creator will make of me.  When I consider the health I enjoy now compared to the aches, pains, immobility, hypertension, gastric discomfort, chronic colds, and overall state of constant exertion I was in before, I can say without any hesitation whatsoever that it is most definitely worth whatever it takes to work this program!  Even early on, before the pounds of hate melted from my body, the clarity of abstinence was well worth the pain of finding the broken pieces of me in the food fog that preceded it.

The VOR contributor described removing the deep feelings of the past, which mostly came at night, like an exorcism of so many ghosts with the use of OA’s tools and fellowship.

From Proverbs 3:

21My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight.”  There are promises that go with this warning.  Among them are these, “24when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”  I was reminded by the VOR entry that nighttime is an especially difficult time for one recovering from negative thought patterns.  That’s the witching hour of my house, when my “what if?” rafters start to creak, my resentments begin to rattle their chains, and my regrets fill the darkness with moaning.  It is when I lie down that the lies fill my room with those ghostly fears, built on the hurts of my past.  God’s promise is that sound judgment and discernment will clear the bats from my belfry, and allow me to enjoy the freedom of nights (and days) without remorse and fear, balanced between the past and future, nestled safely in a spot called “grace” one moment at a time.

From my reading through the Bible, currently in 2 Kings 24 and 25:

1During Jehoiakim’s reign, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon invaded the land, and Jehoiakim became his vassal for three years.  But then he changed his mind and rebelled against Nebuchadnezzar.”   “13As the LORD had declared, Nebuchadnezzar removed all the treasures from the temple of the LORD and from the royal palace, and took away all the gold articles that Solomon king of Israel had made for the temple of the LORD.  14He carried into exile all Jerusalem…”   Nebuchadnezzar left Jehoiakim’s uncle, called Zedekiah, to reign.  Later, Zedekiah also rebelled against the king of Babylon, and brought on the annihilation of Jerusalem, its temple, the palace, and the exile of all the rest of its people.  (2 Kings 25) Even the poorest, which had been left to farm the ruins, rebelled, killed their governor and the Babylonians with him, and then fled to Egypt.  According to 2 Kings 24:20, “It was because of the LORD’s anger that all this happened to Jerusalem and Judah, and in the end he thrust them from his presence.

This reminds me of one of my favorite prayers, from Psalm 51:

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,

   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence

   or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation

   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Part of my natural reality is a tendency toward rebellion – toward doing what I feel like rather than what I know to do or that is good for me; a changing of the mind, so to speak, from the commitment to submit to the exertion of self-will.  This rebellion from the Creator’s architectural plan has always brought about disaster.  The only way for me to find fulfilled purpose and contentment is to submit to the blueprint of the Architect.  The Creator means me no harm.   It is rebellion that makes me step out of alignment and gets me cut away like a stray branch.  Even the good grass is treated like a weed when it grows out of bounds.  This is the power prayer of compliance: “God I offer myself to You, to build with me and to do with me as You will.”

From The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 40:

It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly.  To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation.  Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower.  We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us.  To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.’s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.

Have a blessed day (OD@aT)