Voices of Recovery today quotes The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, pages 4 and 5, “We thought everything would be fine if only our bosses would recognize our worth, if only our spouses would give us the attention we needed, if only our children were well-behaved…”  “If only” certainly does seem to be the anthem of the pathetically self-centered.  I remember living between the questions “why me?” and “if only.”  They pulled me into the directions of regret and worry so my skin stretched, my gut bulged, my heart swelled and my arteries clogged.  Letting go of the imaginary sense of control I had freed me from the frustration of things not following my plan.  Free at last!  Thank God Almighty!  I’m free at last!  

Proverbs Chapter 2 is labeled in my Bible “Moral Benefits of Wisdom.”  It is a series of conditional ifs and thens, recommending acceptance, listening, applying, earnest and sincere searching for insight and wisdom.  The promises include wisdom, knowledge, understanding, victory, security, discretion, divination of the way, as well as protection from wickedness, perversion, misguidance, seduction and its resulting death and separation.  God, I am searching, digging deeper into Your bank of knowledge and wisdom because I want to know You better.  I want to be so filled with You that I spill over your love and grace onto my environment and my fellows.  Keep filling me so I can keep spilling.  Teach me Your way, so I can follow in Your steps.

2 Samuel Chapters 1 and 2 tell of David’s hearing of Saul’s death, his mourning and subsequent coronation in Judah.  Saul’s family, however, wasn’t quick to accept David as king, so a civil war began between Israel and Judah.  2 Samuel 2:26 sounds like something out of my early recovery, “Abner called out to Joab, ‘Must the sword devour forever?  Don’t you realize that this will end in bitterness?  How long before you order your men to stop pursuing their brothers?”  Since I have proven in my disease that I can be relentless in the pursuit of blame, shame, and the food and self-pity that medicates and keeps the madness going, I should be able to be as passionately driven to achieve and sustain this new life I have uncovered.  I can celebrate the coronation of my new king wholeheartedly if I just let King Food die already.

Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.”  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 27)

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