Voices of Recovery today spoke of “deserve,” and that word is trouble for me.  It is the nature of what is wrong with me.  I think I deserve a treat or that I don’t deserve health.  Either way “deserve” has me eating.  One thing I dislike about my gym is their repeated announcements about free candy and bagels because, they say, “You worked out today.  You deserve it!”  In my meditation yesterday, God reminded me that my children did not do anything to earn or “deserve” my love.  I was devoted to their care and well-being since before they were born.  Ever since then, of course, they have done things that have tarnished that pure, loving connection, but when they get child-like and reach for Daddy I will always be there, as much as it is in my power to do so.  God reminded me that He similarly waits for me to come to Him, let him clean me of what stands between us, and let Him restore me to what He intended for me.  He is a Good Father, unlike any earthly one!

Proverbs 26:21 reads, “As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.”  My character defects continue to be a great ego-reducer.  Over the weekend, I repeatedly prayed that God would keep me humble.  (Being front and center as much as I was could be harmful to my humility.)  Apparently, I failed to keep giving my quarrelsome nature away and that has made for some considerable strife.  With that match laid on the broom straw of the physical and emotional exhaustion that resulted from preparing for and working the otherwise excellent convention, the flames seem consuming. Precious Savior, extinguish my pride, snuff out disharmony, and restore me to Your peace that passes understanding.  “We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.” (p.84, AA)
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