I am abstinent today, by the grace of God! I deviated slightly from my per-meal food plan because of travel and missing resources, but kept within daily limits.

Voices of Recovery today made reference to relapse being a faith issue – faith in food over faith in God. “It was easier to believe that God was too busy to care what I ate than to believe that He grieved over every extra bite I took.” I think my disease confuses me into thinking that I am too insignificant to be noticed by God, who is too big to miss me. This has a way of isolating me from Him and providing me opportunity to be the big fish in my tiny puddle. Maybe that’s why isolation seems to have such a draw. It makes an amoeba feel bigger. The insanity is that when I cut myself off from God and His purposes for me, I am left feeling lonely and useless, helpless to do anything but wallow in self-pity. I remind myself daily (or more) that the Creator of the Universe found me worth dying for. For me to contradict His assessment promotes my opinion over His. The opinion of the allegedly worthless cannot supersede that of the Almighty. That would be insane!

Proverbs 27:9, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” I’ve never thought of the aroma of fellowship, but I do want to strive to bring joy to my friends and not be a stinker.

In Joshua 3, the priests of Israel carried the ark of the covenant into the Jordan River, which then piled up to allow Israel to cross on dry ground. This speaks to me on two levels. My prayers, since coming into program, have been marked with reference to God guiding me, firming up my steps, keeping me on solid ground. This literal, physical example out of history proves to remind me He can do it, spiritually, emotionally, or even physically. Furthermore, it speaks to me because, in my darkest hours, I have compared my troubles to water that seemed to wash over me, dampen my soul, and even overwhelm and toss me. This passage serves to remind me that my Higher Power is the kind that can dry up any trouble. He is the Commander of the elements, and He cares for His own.

Today Mrs. TL and I went to Winter Park, where I had been invited to speak at an O.A. marathon. It went well. I didn’t take enough lunch with me, and couldn’t cook my normal sweet potato, so I made it up at supper. (This explains the opening statement about my daily per-meal food plan.) My weekly weigh-in revealed no change since I reached my goal weight of 175, a body mass I have not known since the 8th Grade.

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