Voices of Recovery today quoted OA12&12 (p.57), “No longer will we allow fear to keep us from doing what is best for us.” The contributor expounds, “Fear made me hopeless.” I remember when the fear of failing at weight loss paralyzed me from trying. I listened to the deceiver in my ear whispering, “You’ll never be anything but fat, you loser!” I listened to the wrong voice and believed the lie, and so, was afraid. This is now one of the ways I distinguish the voice of my Higher Power from the one who wants me sinking low. God’s message, like I read yesterday is, “Be strong and courageous, for I who made all things am with you.” Anything that tells me I am alone, worthless, defeated, or any negative thing is there to destroy me and make me afraid.

“Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith.” (Proverbs 25:4) The following verse (5) relates the dross (the impurities that come to the surface when silver ore is heated in a furnace) to the wickedness that pollutes one’s presence, and says that removing such impurities establishes a king’s throne (or, one could say, “a person’s foundation”) “through righteousness.” I would like to know that I have a firm seating on my 3-legged stool (I relate better to a milk-man than a king.) of recovery, so I am committing today to combine these messages into one for myself. I will listen for the Holy Father to speak to me, and I will remove the impurities from my head-thoughts. I no longer consent to the negative voices to have a say inside my head. I am not accountable for what hits my ears, but I refuse to accept toxic chatter within the sanctuary of my skull. My Internal Committee Meeting is hereby adjourned and dismissed! My Creator can have all my character defects, and now this one, so my foundation may be firmly established through righteousness.

That’s two days in a row I didn’t get to read the rest of my readings. I’m eager to get back into Joshua and read about Rahab and the spies. Tomorrow maybe, God willing.

It is amazing to me how, no matter how committed I was to this in the morning, stepping out of my house makes me subject to outside influences the rest of the day! I did get to share recovery on a deep, personal level with at least two people today. But the boss raked my nerves as soon as he came in, and the encounter tainted my attitude for much longer than I should have allowed. Add to that a titanic auto-mechanic bill that was unforeseen, and a small cash-flow issue had become a major crisis all in less than 14 hours. The issue brought me to a lesson in humility and another in stewardship. “One day at a time” was too much to chew today. Some days, like this one, I need to take it in smaller, hour or moment sized bites.