I was feeling stupid for reading Chapter 18 yesterday when I realized that today is the 18th, and that I must have skipped Proverbs 17. While I was catching up, my mind began to travel from, “All things happen for a reason,” to, “I wonder if TL, Jr. is enjoying my truck,” when I got smacked in the head with verse 24. “A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.” My eyes and the eyes of my heart do tend to wander when I don’t rein them in. I’ve been thinking lately about the phrase, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6) It is humbling to realize how much time and energy I spend seeking the things I do not have but think (or feel) like I deserve (or need). If I were to slow down and appreciate what is in front of me, I would be the richest man I know. Maybe the low bank balance and past due bills are trying to remind me of this, and I just haven’t been listening. “Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth.” (Psalm 86:11)

Deuteronomy 29:19 addresses abuse of God’s grace and “my-way addiction.” “When such a person hears the words of this oath, he invokes a blessing on himself and therefore thinks, ‘I will be safe, even though I persist in going my own way.’ This will bring disaster on the watered land as well as the dry.” I want to live in the water of His blessing, not the desert of His disfavor.

Someone shared with me a link to a woman’s (non-program) struggle with food. It reminded me of a song I heard this morning, and have been mumbling all day since. It is called “Strong Enough” by Matthew West (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ) and reminds me that I do not have to be (strong enough) to handle what life throws at me when I am relying on my Higher Power to handle it for me.

I was disturbed today, when I realized that when I entered my weigh-in, my calorie tracker apparently changed my calorie goal to its automatic estimate instead of my manually-entered target. That’s a hiccup I could have lived without, especially during a week when I have done less working-out than normal due to my shoulder injury. I just changed it back, and will have to make sure I don’t allow that to happen in the future. Meanwhile, I refuse to freak out or react to this news with ridiculous restrictions. I’m just starting today, getting it right, one day at a time.

Pain and the resulting sleeplessness is causing me to be quite a troublesome bear to the people around me. It’s the “T” in HALT, and it’s making me “A,” causing me to become “L.” So far, no “H,” but what a dry drunk OA thing to say!