This morning began like many before it. I prayed that God would keep me from making my day about me, and help me to make it about others. One hiccup: the prayer was half-hearted and practiced more out of habit than sincere submission. I was in a hurry to eat my breakfast and put together my new fishing rod, just some self-centered interests of mine.

On my way to celebrate my Higher Power with other believers I got wrapped around my own will and began an inquisition of my wife that was nothing if not critical. What’s worse was it was over something completely petty. (Isn’t it always?) By the time we arrived at church, she was feeling ashamed and hurt, and I was feeling ashamed and guilty. Things don’t get better quickly unless you address them quickly, but I was a little too little and a little too late. The day was spinning around me, getting me all twisted on its axis.

The church service was in a different format than usual, not my way! The preacher I like wasn’t there today and this week’s substitute was my least favorite of his subordinates. The marriage Bible study we attended afterward focused on the various ways I have made it hard for my wife to cooperate with me, and so seemed clearly against me. But something during the morning struck me with humility. I think it may have been the point that a good husband sacrifices self-interest in favor of his wife (the principal “other” I am called to serve), kind of like I was supposed to do this morning. I remember several days ago I observed that voluntary humility preempts involuntary humiliation. Today I proved that I can relapse into my chronic asshole-ism even faster than I can into my compulsive overeating, providing the necessary dose of humiliation to keep me humble. God, save me from myself!

One of my dearest friends was taken to the hospital today. I was asked to make him a batch of chili for when he got home. It gave me a project to do that didn’t revolve around me, but it got me in the kitchen and thinking about food. Not that it’s about me or anything!

One day at a time! “His mercies are new every morning.” Come on, morning! I could use a fresh start. At least I didn’t eat over it today, but I feel like a “dry drunk” abstaining, but with none of the serenity that comes with recovery from the disease that afflicts me. I know the Lord will provide along with temptation a way out so I can stand up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13), I just wish it would come according to my expectations instead of always teaching me something.

It’s just about magic hour, when I close my eyelids on the day and usher in a clean slate. I know that “one day at a time” starts anytime I say so, and that “bottom” is whenever I stop digging, but tonight seems like a good time to close the curtain on a less-than-appetizing day.

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