Yesterday, I had no original thoughts or epiphanies, but what I shared came indirectly from the Voices of Recovery entry for that morning. The literature reference was, “Catalog and recatalog the positive enjoyment of abstinence from compulsive overeating.” A phrase that stayed in my mind all day yesterday and into today was one that followed, “…when I’m abstinent, I feel good; when I’m into the food, my life is unmanageable.” For the last half of yesterday, I was into the food, at least in thought. The unmanageability was palpable. And the result was the insanity I wrote wrapped around food thought.

My cognitive dysfunction compounded my spiritual malady which eventually, when triggered by the accidental breaking of a ceramic lampshade as I put down my laptop, exploded in a tirade of unhappiness that can best be described as unholy rage.

That same morning, I had read the account of Joshua being appointed to replace Moses in the wilderness. It reminded me that the LORD, the God of the spirits of all mankind, has not left me as a sheep without a shepherd.* I am glad that the grace of my Higher Power is not contingent upon my serenity any more than the aquifer depends on my backyard spigot.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’” Lamentations 3:19-24

Today, I spent with fellows in recovery, with family, and in purposeful duties of the home.

I am grateful for the fresh start I get each new day to live one day at a time. The LORD is my portion!