Today, I’ve run the gamut, from the excellent feeling of helping to the frustration of not being able to get it all done, to sharing deep moving truths, to aggravation at those toxic little things like finding the garbage cans resting on the struggling sprinkler head when I pulled into the driveway. I guess some days the seas are calm and other days the waves have me between crests and troughs. Even so, I have what I need to survive it abstinent: the honesty to admit that I’m more emotionally sensitive (powerless) today; the openness to share it with you; and the willingness to do what I know to do rather than what I want to do. …And that’s HOW I do it! (Thanks for being there for me to be “open” to!)

Today’s chapter of Proverbs contained a statement that made me grateful for the men and women who have come before me, and paved the way to my recovery through the fellowship of OA and the founders of the 12-Step Recovery program of AA. It also gave me something to strive toward for myself. It was verse 14, “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.” The “wise” in this passage, for me, refers to the direction of God’s Spirit, but also to those who helped me along to recovery from this disease. It was killing me slowly but surely, and I well remember that. One day, if I keep doing my part, I will get to participate in the first half of that verse too, bringing experience, strength and hope to help others build their arch through with they will walk free men and women at last!

My continued reading of Numbers reminded me of something too. The last two verses of Chapter 14 describe what happened when God’s people tried to make their way on their own power and not His. “Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the LORD’s covenant moved from the camp.” The end result was their enemy gave them a serious beat-down. I have to remember that if I go my own way, and try to do this on my own power, I’m defeated before I begin too.

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