I only got about four hours of sleep last night.  That might be one of the factors that contributed to my weakness today.  When I got to the gym this morning, I actually thought the elliptical machine was broken.  I abandoned it 5 minutes in, just to switch machines, convinced the resistance was just way off.  The second machine was just as hard to operate as the first.  My mother used to say, “When it seems like the problem is everybody else, it must be you.”  I admitted my weakness and did the best 15 minutes on the elliptical I could do, but I was NOT able to keep up the pace at the resistance level I normally do.
Mortality was the theme of the day.  I started my day writing condolence cards, like I do most Mondays.  But today, there were a record-breaking number of them to write.  For most of the day, I participated in my friend’s funeral.  It was hard for me, and I went to a meeting emotionally exhausted.  In the meeting, we read from the Big Book, “How it Works,” and focused a lot of the discussion on the fatality of anger and resentments (p.66).  It seemed that death was at every turn today.
I did get a chance to share my morning confession with a couple people, who seemed to be helped by it.  It is a recitation of a New Testament verse that helps me keep perspective, helps me set aside my will in favor of God’s, and reaffirms His love for me, all in one verse: Galatians 2:20.  I memorized it a few weeks ago, and have been repeating it in my daily devotion, and whenever else I need refreshing.  It, too, deals with “life” and “death.”  I am freed by the “misdeeds of the flesh” when I set aside my wants, wills, and deserves, and give to others what I sense they need, as a service to our Creator, who wishes that I treat them with preference over myself.
It is interesting that the passing of my friend, Jim, has caused me grief, but the anguish of my bereavement is partially assuaged by the knowledge that his welfare is assured, and that my deserves, wishes, and wants to see him are low priority compared to the amazing hugeness of his joy now.  Who do I think I am to whine about how much I will miss him?  My boss made a statement at the funeral that started with, “I know if Jim were here today, he would say…” I couldn’t help but chuckle and think he would say, “I’m outa here!  I got my graduation!!”
I’m getting punchy.  It’s late and I’ve had quite a day.  (Physical weakness + emotional weakness = total exhaustion!)  Good night, my fellows!
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