Yesterday, I began to type my daily writing, “Today,” but then fell asleep trying to come up with something original to say.  Today, I am trying to look back, but honestly my last couple days have been marked with doubt, fear and ambiguity.  I am reminded of two verses I read often:  “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3); and, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” (Proverbs 11:3)
I’m having an uncomfortable time, and I hesitate to share it because some experience isn’t as fun as strength and hope.  Since my weigh-in revealed the extra seven pounds dropped since I met my goal weight, I’ve been replaying all the scary advice of our fellows in recovery from the other end of our disease.  I am doing what I was told and eating a buttery potato each morning to stop the downslide.  I reported in to my doctor today, and have been candid with all with whom I had better be candid.  This tool of writing only works to build my abstinence if it remains for me a forum for total transparency. My thinking is scattered, but I am grateful that I have this journal to report to those who read it.

I’m too confused to complete a real thought.  I’m powerless over this cunning, baffling, powerful disease.  I’m leaving it to my higher power.  God, grant me the serenity that comes from singleness of mind, and wisdom to know which single mindedness to choose.

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